it happened

today.

i took a lunch break at 1:30 am. i laughed at how all the staff called it "lunch break." they asked if i would rather them call it "dinner" but I shrugged and said, "whatever you call it, i'm not used to this."

i spent all of the 2 and 3 o'clock hours trying to get a nose bleed under control. not my own. that poor woman couldn't breathe and couldn't sleep. i hurt for her. and i prayed for her every time her call light went off and i went in there to try to get her to relax. i feel like nurses must pray a lot. to know what to do, to know what to say, to know what to notice. i'm not a nurse yet, but i prayed for her. to sleep. she finally did at 4am.

i started yawning at 6:30, while jody was giving report. he told me i could leave. i was so happy he said that. he's going to be a great person to work with.

i listened to "what's in the middle" by the bird and the bee on repeat all the way home. love it. by the time i exited i realized that i really just stayed up all night. good thing cedar is only 45 minutes away. anything longer would have ended up with me falling alseep at the wheel.

8am found me staggering into my room. as i got in my covers, ready to fall asleep, lynsie got up for the day. like the switching of the guard.

i think i fell asleep within 3 seconds of hitting my pillow. i had a dream that i liked a boy. not really sure what his name was in the dream, but it was funny. entertaining really. having crushes is fun, even if it only happens in dream land.

so i could only sleep until 1. i think that's as good as it'll get.

i put a hair bow on my shirt today. people may think the things i choose to wear in public is weird. but i'm not trying to impress them anyway.

i pushed the send button on a message i've been wanting to send for about a month now. i finally decided i didn't care what the person thought. it was something i wanted to do. and guess what? a reply. it happened. 

:)

i'm going to make a unicorn for my favorite 4 year old. it's her birthday. she's great. so as i cut out the fabric i watched despicable me. and i remembered how she can quote parts of it. and how we saw it together in the theatre. and we danced during the previews. and she threw up during the movie. but man, she's adorable.

dan called. i love taco tuesdays even if i don't eat tacos. because i get to talk to him. and sarah. i even talked to dan's girlfriend. she's so cute. they all brought a smile to my face. i hate that i have to be down here and missing them all the time, but i love that we can still be the best of friends. and i love to be remembered.

brittni called and we had a fake fight. i think i got real offended for a second there. and she real apologized. but it was one of those fake fights where we were both confused if it was real offended and real apologizing going on. so it's possible that we're still confused.

mango mousse. yeah. we ate that tonight.

a party in chelsey's room happened. a mini one. because it's not a full party unless lynsie's there too. and she wasn't that time.

i finished out the day with a bit of smiling and thinking. feeling accomplished and like i can do anything.

beautiful

Beautiful.

She gets up each day with a smile

Puts on makeup and curls her hair

She takes one final glance in the mirror

And misses so much there.

You know, I bet some days she doesn’t feel beautiful

Some days don’t seem worth the time

Sometimes she doesn’t like what she sees

Some days she feel less than fine.

So many who know her love her

So many need her heart as a home

Her happy life seems almost enough

But she wonders why she feels so alone.

I bet sometimes she doesn’t feel beautiful

Sometimes she doesn’t want to try

Some days she needs more than a couple reasons

To convince herself not to cry.

She has so many hopes and dreams

And she deserves every one she makes

She’s tired of being so patient

And tired of finding mistakes.

You know, I bet some days she doesn’t feel beautiful

Some days she feels left behind

Some days her happily ever after

Feels too impossible to find.

In my eyes she’ll always be beautiful

I wish I could tell her everyday

That even the prettiest of women

Get tempted to feel this way.

I bet some days she doesn’t feel beautiful

And sometimes she just can’t see

The person I look at every day

And how beautiful she is to me.

just something i wrote a few weeks ago about a beautiful friend of mine. & for all of the beautiful women out there.

Senioritis is...

Staying up late on school nights. Not feeling any remorse.

Not doing any homework after school.

Not printing out my schedule. Instead, texting my friends to ask when I need to show up.

Refusing to buy textbooks. Again, with no remorse.

Getting bored in class on the first day.

Daydreaming of our graduation ceremony.

Writing a blog instead of doing my assignments.

Not feeling any stress yet.

And not caring about any of these things.


Oh yeah, people. It’s in full swing.

the last first day

It was the last time I would have to eat that same breakfast of fruit, water, and a cinnamon roll. I’m pretty sure the reason it tasted so good was because I’d never have to eat it again.


Rebellious, I sat with my great friends at a back table. Remembering the previous meetings and what I felt each time.

The first time I was there I felt more awkward than I have ever felt in my entire life. It felt like I had just gone to a foreign country and I didn’t know the culture. I spotted a blonde haired girl that I had met the day before at church. Relieved, we both awkwardly sat at a table and listened as the teachers introduced themselves, as we got confused by the jargon used, and as the knot in my stomach grew three sizes. At least I had my food to occupy my attention so I didn’t explode from information overload.

The next time I sat at this “mandatory celebration” was a little bit better. I had made it through the first semester. The tears and headaches made it more meaningful. And now, being a level two, I felt like I could do anything. I sat at the table, this time with friends, and this time knowing the language and culture. And although I had a better idea of what was coming, I’m sure that I was more nervous at that time than I had been previously. Hearing our teachers introduce themselves got me even more nervous. I would be spending a lot of time with these people, and I knew only a few things about them. One, that Selwyn was really cool, and two, that Professor Howard was scary. Or so I was told. I tried to get a feel of what was about to come. But I guess I would just have to experience it myself.

The third meeting of this sort found me more excited than ever. As strange as it sounded to others and even me, I had missed school over the summer, and I was ready to be smart again. The greetings this time were more friendly than usual, and I smiled. I couldn’t wait to get back into things. This was going to be a good semester. A good year. I was ready to get lost in my text books again. Our teachers introduced themselves once again, and this time instead of wondering what it would be like, I knew it would be okay. I couldn’t have been happier to be there.

Today was a little different. Although I was happy to be there for my last time, I was annoyed to be back at school again. I entered the room and got my usual water, pineapple, and cinnamon roll. I sat with friends that I have learned to love so much. And we sat back and listened to our teachers introduce themselves. The last time we would hear them announce who they were and what they taught. The last time we would cringe when they announced Janet’s name. The last time we would laugh when Betsy said something stupid. And probably not the last time we would laugh at Kriepl’s idiocy. Because, let’s be honest, she has many of those moments.

It’s hard to believe that today was my last first day of school.

But I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t happy about it.

good days

yesterday was extra especially good. nothing earth shatteringly amazing happened, but it was just good.

i woke up at 9:23 to a text message from Annalie asking if I wanted to go swimming. I declined. And stayed in bed until 10.

I got up and ate breakfast, watched an episode of BONES and then took a shower. I then watched another episode of Bones. One of my favorites. When the Grave Digger kidnapps Booth. Intense. Jake came over for a little bit to get a book from Chelsey's room. He's a funny, awkward kid. I like talking to him.

Bones- The BEST show ever.

I went over to Annalie's to eat lunch. She made something called "Korean carrots" a food from Ukraine. It wasn't bad considering they were carrots, one of the most vilest foods ever created. We played "Ticket to Ride" with one of her cute roommates. We had fun playing and talking. Then after playing I was looking at my hair and told Annalie that I wanted a haircut. She said, "I'll do it." and I said, "Ok."

So then Annalie cut my hair. Yep. I sat in her downstairs bathroom and she took about 2 inches off of my hair. It's nice. And I guess I'm very trusting. Haha.

After that I was looking at her refrigerator and saw a stack of post-it notes with lots of random love sayings on them. I guess a few weeks ago her roommates post-it noted Annette's car while they were at the movies. I thought it was hilarious. So I decided we needed to go out right then and buy post-its and attack my roommate's car while she was at work.

So I bought $5 worth of post-its and we wrote lots of little love notes on them. Like "Will you marry me?" and "You are my sunshine." and "You're adorable. And by that I don't mean that you're able to be a door." It was really fun writing them. We drove over to her car at her work and attacked it.

We went back to my house, awaiting Chelsey to come home. She came home about a half hour later and she was super happy about being attacked. I was so glad that she loved it. :)

Annalie and I made soup for dinner. And then busted out my fancy new cookbook and we made HOMEMADE APPLESAUCE! It was SO SO good. And really not too hard to make. Good thing Mr. Food Processor and I became friends.

Then we went to Sally's hair supply. It was time for me to dye my hair again. You know, every month. Haha. I walked down the color isle and pointed to a turquoise color. I told Brittni that I wanted that one. She said, "Really?" and I said, "Sure." So I got that one. And another normal color. And I bought them.

We got home and Brittni started dying my hair. We bleached the parts that were going to be blue. And then dyed my hair the brown color, and the streaks blue. It's rockin. I'm loving it.

As we were doing this we watched a movie called "An Education." Wow. A little creepish. But I liked it.

Then as we were scrolling through netflix, we found RAINBOW BRIGHT.

So yes, we spent the last hour and a half of the night watching the full length Rainbow Bright feature. It was life-changing.

Good day? Indeed. I wish days like this could happen all the time.

2010

I’ve been thinking a lot about making a blog to remember 2010 and kick it to the curb because it felt like it sucked. But then I’ve been thinking about it more and more and I had a pretty awesome year. I didn't end up where I thought I would, but the journey was incredible.

Here’s what I did:

I started the hardest semester of nursing school. Got so stressed out I could have puked. And was dumped. All at the same time. So……. Not good times.

But as a result of all of that happening, I made some of the BEST friends in the world. Annalie came through like an angel, and I ended up LIVING at her and corey’s houses. I was NEVER home. And I loved it that way. They saved me.

Dan came home. That was pretty big for me. I missed him terribly. It was awesome having him text me every day because he was so bored for the first 4 months he was home. Ha.

I was in Jeni’s wedding as her maid of honor. Although I sucked at the job, I was honored to be apart of it. She’s beautiful.

Clinicals were crazy intimidating, but I loved it. Studying was hard, but I did it. I made the dean’s list. Pretty miraculous.

I moved home for the summer after praying about it. God said I should. I dragged my feet but did it anyway and thus had the BEST summer of my life. I’m SO grateful he guides me.

I worked at the pool as a swim teacher and lifeguard. And this year I loved teaching more than guarding. And I might want to work with children because of it.

I became friends with new people at work, and became better friends with awesome people I already knew. Like Ashley. And Kelsey.

I spend almost everyday with Dan. And Sarah. And then introduced them and we all became inseparable. I love them. We took fun trips together to Manti, Cedar, went to the temple, seven peaks. Sarah dyed my hair. Listened to my annoying life problems. I listened to hers. Had sleep overs. We played nerts at Dan’s house until 2 am with his sisters. And watched movies. Dan took me to the movies, compliments of the government all the time. Ha. People asked if we were going to get married twice a week. And I told Dan I would never marry him. He’s STILL offended.

My nephew Camden was born! He’s ADORABLE. And an instant love of my life.

Ryan left on his mission to Guatemala. I’m updating his blog every week.

I moved to Cedar again. This time to live with the BEST roommates this world has to offer. I love every moment of them. Staying up late laughing for no reason, watching Buffy or Bones, making dinners together, sewing dresses. Brittni is my new love. And we have a bunny son together. I love that bunny. He’s so fuzzy.

I started the “easiest” semester of nursing school. It turned out to be one of the busiest. I had a power point to do almost every week, sometimes twice a week. I ended up doing 100+ hours of community service. Wrote a bunch of annoying papers, had a bunch of annoying projects. Hated my teacher with a vengeance. Almost liked my clinicals. Wasn’t home a lot.

But I made new friends. And became better friends with awesome people I already knew. Like Cyann. And her cute little daughter Lily.

I went to the temple every week in November.

I ended up getting a 3.8! Highest GPA I’ve ever gotten in college. Made everything ALMOST worth it.

I had a good Thanksgiving/Christmas break. Went on the funnest date ever to see “Savior of the World.” Met and named Gryan, Sarah’s awesome boy. I got to see a lot of mission friends. Hugged my daughter again! Saw Kat. Played with Dan. Met his cute little girly friend. Played with my family. Babysat my nephew.

Those were the events.

Now the way I feel about it all.

I’m a different person than what I was last January. I like me better now.
I’m so happy that I can say that. I’m so happy that life has led me where it has.
I’ve got a lot of great things going for me. And I’m excited about the future.
Sometimes I feel that life sucks. But then I remember it doesn’t.
I liked 2010. But that’s over.

I’m ready to love 2011.