Tuesday, November 15, 2011

진구

i love my friends. the ones that i have.
sometimes i just wish i had more.
that's all.
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Friday, November 11, 2011

a moment

yesterday one of my patients passed away.
since working, i've had only 4 people i've taken care of pass away.
but this one was the first one that happened on my shift.

i'm not depressed or anything. i just feel like this is a moment i'll remember forever. 
she was the sweetest little lady. so cute. so happy. she was confused most of the time. and i admit that half of the fun of taking care of her was hearing all the funny things she would say. 
they had a little spot light on her the month before in the care center news letter. i don't remember everything, except that her husband asked her to marry him on their first date and she was an amazing cook. i tried to remember those things about her when i took care of her.

yesterday she took a turn for the worse. they moved her into a private room so her family could be by her side. she wasn't doing well. i was relieved when her son showed up at 3. i knew she didn't have long.
then, around four, one of my aides came up to me and told me that her son thought she stopped breathing.

i went into the room and instantly knew. she was gone. i had to do something nurse-y. so i got down beside her bed and tried to feel for a pulse. nothing.
i said in an almost whisper, "i can't find a pulse." and her son fell apart. he grabbed my hand and held it tightly as he cried. i teared up. i'm the type of person that does that. i empathize a little too much sometimes. 
he let go of my hand and thanked me for taking care of her.

it was hard to leave the room and go on about my job like nothing was going on in that room. someone's life just changed forever. and yet i had a patient bugging me to give him his pills. wow.

i've just been thinking about this a bit. like i said, i'm okay; not depressed. and i think i handled it all very well. i think i'll remember her for the rest of my life. what a moment.

i love nursing.
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Wednesday, November 9, 2011

music

i've been thinking a lot about music lately.
maybe it's because i got to spend 5 days with brittni in the last two weeks. (!) and maybe it's because her boyfriend and her together make up this awesome music encyclopedia. 
and also, its because i listened to my brother's podcast. the episode "defining moments" talks about a theory relating to music that garit has. he thinks that the music you listen to at certain ages (between 4-10? something like that) shapes the kinds of music you will like for the rest of your life.
and although i know that tastes in music can change, the more i think about it, the more i believe it.

i was sitting with brittni and adam this weekend hearing them name off their top 5 favorite bands and talking about albums and concerts and things, and i was just LOST. i hardly knew what they were talking about. or if i had heard of the bands, i wouldn't have been able to name one song that they played.

since when did i become so out of the loop when it came to music? before my mission, music was my obsession. seriously. i always listened to music. always checked out new bands. always bought and downloaded songs and albums. dan and i would talk about our favorites and spend hours listening to things. 

then i couldn't listen to music for two years.

and.............. here i am. still lost in this big world of music. begging for someone to tell me what to listen to.

OR! maybe i'm just in to different types of music. thinking about that music theory all week, i've figured out a few things from my childhood that shaped my music love. here were my favorite songs as a child. among others, i'm sure.


i think this sums up my musical love all in one.
a lot of it comes from my dad, my older brothers, and my mom. 

anyway. just something to think about.
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