Talk

(This is a talk I gave in church this summer.)

I want to talk about how the Book of Mormon has changed my life.

More specifically, how the Book of Mormon has changed my life in the last 3 months.

I first read the Book of Mormon as a 9th grader. It was the Book of Mormon year in seminary and I was very diligent with my scripture reading. When I finished, I prayed to know if it was true or not. And I got this feeling that said, “You know it’s true Mindy. Why do you even have to ask?” I knew it was true. I’m so glad I got that confirmation at such a young age. It has helped guide and influence my life. It’s changed my life.

I’ve read the Book of Mormon a few more times. A couple before my mission, and then quite a few times on my mission. It was so simple to study the scriptures as a missionary. It was easy to apply it to my life and to my investigators. I fell in love with the stories and made goals to keep reading and studying when I got home. I would NOT be one of those missionaries who got “too busy” to study.

But then I got too busy to study. School, work, dating, friends, sleep. It all got in the way. I tried off and on to study my scriptures and set a time to do so. But I couldn’t wake up early; I was already getting up so early for school and work! And I couldn’t do it at night because I was so exhausted. I even tried to do it during my lunch break for a while, until my co-workers were so fun to talk to. Excuses and justifications made it okay. My scripture reading was sporatic for days, weeks, months, and then years.

And that’s where I was at 3 months ago. I sat there listening to General Conference and felt guilty for not reading my scriptures or making a plan to change.

Then I saw something online outlining a Book of Mormon reading schedules that would start April 7th to June 30th. I said, “Why not?” and started reading that day.

I made a few goals to go along with this challenge. #1 would be that I would stay on schedule. I knew that I would miss a few days here and there because I knew myself. But I told myself I would catch up so that by the end of the week I would always be right on target. And my #2 goal was to apply the scriptures to my life.

Like I said, it was simple to apply them to my life while I was a missionary. So I wanted to really try to apply it to my life now, as a single, working adult with really lame problems. At least I think they’re lame. But luckily, God loves me and he really helps me.

With that, I want to share a few experiences and scriptures that have greatly helped me these last 3 months.

First relates to the temple.

Mosiah 2:6 And they pitched their tents round about the temple, every man having his tent with the door thereof towards the temple,that thereby they might remain in their tents and hear the words which king Benjamin should speak unto them;

I love this visual. The symbolism is so vivid how these people pitched their tents with their doors towards the temple. A temple centered people.

Temple attendance was one of my new year’s goals that I made this year. I want to go at least once a month this year. Of course, three months ago, when I started this reading and read this chapter, my recommend has expired because I had become too busy to make the appointments to renew it.

I made an appointment with my bishop for the sunday after our stake conference meeting. I mention stake conference because my roommate was working and it would have been really tempting to not go that day. But I’m so glad that I did.

The talks at stake conference were about family history work and temple work. It wasn’t hard to see just what the Lord needed me to learn that week. What really hit me though, was when the temple president for the JRTemple got up to speak and told us to ask our bishops about becoming a temple worker if we could.

I had NO IDEA you could ASK to do that! Before I even knew it, I asked the bishop at my interview if that could be something I could do. We filled out the paper work, and a few weeks later I was called. I get to start as a temple worker at the SLC temple in August. I’m so grateful and SO excited for this new calling in my life.

The next experience I want to share is about temporal things.

I first want to share this scripture.

"Mormon 5: 23  Know ye not that ye are in the hands of God? Know ye not that he hath all power, and at his great command the earth shall be rolled together as a scroll?"

It helps remind me that I am in the hands of god. I’ve always been so happy about that, because I feel like, if left on my own, I would make a lot of crazy choices and mistakes.

One more temporal thing I had on my mind was whether or not to move. It was one of the questions I had pondered about when listening to general conference. But I felt like I never got a really great answer. I continued to pray about it.

One day I talked about it with my roommate. Our contract would be up soon and I wanted to know what she thought. If we should extend the contract, try to find somewhere else to live, or become homeless. We talked it over and at the end of the conversation we had just deicded to stay put where we were. I felt okay about it.  

I thought of this scripture:

"Mosiah 2:41  And moreover, I would desire that ye should consider on the blessed and happy state of those that keep the commandments of God. For behold, they are blessed in all things, both temporal and spiritual; and if they hold out faithful to the end they are received into heaven, that thereby they may dwell with God in a state of never-ending happiness. O remember, remember that these things are true; for the Lord God hath spoken it."

I knew that God always helps me know when I’ve made a wrong decision. And apparently I did make the wrong decision. Because that same night, not but 2 hours after our conversation, my friend Lynsie texted me and asked, “Are you by chance looking for a place to live?”

It was WAY too coincidental to ever think it was actually a coincidence. I know that God was answering my prayers. That week we talked about it, looked at the house, felt really good about it, and by friday were packing our house to move in just under 3 weeks. It all came together so fast. I’m so grateful the Lord blesses us. And I know he blessed us because I was reading my scriptures.

I think more than anything, reading my scriptures has helped me be more sensitive to the spirit.

3 Nephi 22:"13  And all thy children shall be taught of the Lord; and great shall be the peace of thy children."

I find so much peace from the teachings of the Lord. The week I was reading in Nephi 9 about the plan of salvation was the week of Easter. And it really helped me have one of the best Easters of my life.

2Nephi 9:13- "O how great the plan of our God!"

This is what I wrote in my journal about Easter this year-

This last week, It was Easter. Each day this week in addition to reading the Book of Mormon, I tried to read a conference talk that would go along with each event in the Holy Week. Palm Sunday, the sacrament, the great atonement, the crucifixion, and resurrection.

Saturday night I was cancelled for work. It was an Easter Miracle. I was able to sleep that night and wake up at 7am and go on a walk. I listened to a talk by our Prophet, called "He is Risen." It was amazing. I sat and looked out over a park and just had this overwhelming feeling of love and peace and purpose. I am so grateful for the Atonement and for my Savior, Jesus Christ, who suffered for my sins so that I can return to live with my Heavenly Father. He loves me. He loves the world. He gave his life for me. And he broke the bands of death that bound everyone, to make it possible for us to live again. It truly is a miracle and something so amazing. I can hardly put in to words how I feel.

My heart was so full that Easter Sunday. I went to church and sang in the choir, songs of Christ and grattiude and praise. It was lovely to sing my testimony. I always love to. But it was extra special that day. I listened to the great words and pondered the love Christ has for everyone. I teared up in church. Doesn't happen often, but I did.

My heart was truly full. And I know it's because I have been reading my scriptures regularly. I know it.

It's such a blessing to have better understanding of the gospel.

I love this feeling. And I can't wait until I have read for 3 and 4 and 5 weeks and 6 months and a year and my life. That's what I want.

Because I became more sensitive to the spirit, I had a few experiences where I got to be a tool in God’s hand to help his children. I was in the right places at the right times.

"Mosiah 5:13  For how knoweth a man the master whom he has not served, and who is a stranger unto him, and is far from the thoughts and intents of his heart?"

Ether 4:11 But he that believeth these things which I have spoken, him will I visit with the manifestations of my Spirit, and he shall know and bear record. For because of my Spirit he shall know that these things are true; for it persuadeth men to do good.

1 Nephi 4:6- I was led by the spirit, not knowing beforehand the things which I should do.

This first experience is a little strange. But the more I’ve pondered it, the more I just KNOW that it was God’s will.

It’s a strange experience because it started out with me just being bored and home alone one Wednesday afternoon. I didn’t know what to do with myself because all my roomies were gone. I thought about my options and decided to go to seven peaks. That, in itself, is not strange. I love swimming and love water parks, mostly because I was a lifeguard all through high school and college and I like to be a creeper and watch the lifeguards and critique them. The weird thing was going by myself. It’s super weird to go to a water park by yourself. But I packed up, drove over, and before I knew it I was walking around all alone, just soaking in the sun.

I swam in a few of the pools and decided just to walk around a bit and scope out the kiddie areas so I knew where to bring my nephews when they came with me. I decided to take my awkwardness to a new level and actually get into the kiddie pool and just sit for a while. I felt weird. But it was fun. As I was exiting the pool, for some strange reason I really can’t explain, I turned to look back at one particular area of the swimming pool and there, with her eyes wide and head under water, was a little girl, clearly drowning.

Before I even knew it, I jumped over a wall, swam to her, and scooped her up in my arms. She coughed and cried and I found her dad, handed her over, and then walked out of the pool.

It was just too coincidental. I thought about that experience over and over again the next few days and it’s become a very special thing to me. I couldn’t stop thinking About how I was the one person that was at the right place at the right time with the right knowledge to save her. I don't know what would have happened had I not been there. I honestly don't know if another adult would have walked by. I don't know if the lifeguard would have seen her soon enough because she was at the other end of the pool in the water. But something told me to look back and I saw her.

From my journal:

I feel like I was an instrument in God's hands that day. From deciding to randomly go to a water park by myself for just an hour or two. From deciding to be weird and walk through the kiddie area by myself. To me looking back at the pool for some reason. It's all just so coincidental. I know and feel that it's not a coincidence.

I am so happy with my life lately. I feel closer to the spirit than I have been in a long time. I'm praying, I'm going to church, I'm going to the temple, I'm reading and loving reading my scriptures. I'm finding personal insights. If all this means that God knew that he could use me to save a life of one of his daughters, then I am honored. I'm so grateful that he trusted me enough to give me such an important task that day. Because the more I ponder on this experience, the more I realize that it couldn't be just a chance happening. It was meant to be.

Another experience of being at the right place at the right time happened just this week.

I thought a lot about our lesson we had in relief society about family history work that we had last sunday and decided on Tuesday morning to go to the temple. I planned to do initiatories. I took out my family names and tried to pick out which ones to do.

I’m not sure if any of you feel this immense pressure when picking which names to do when you go through the temple, but I always do. It’s like I’m picking and choosing who to save that day. Always makes me stressed out. So I decided to pick a few names that were sisters. I found a group of 4 sisters to do and got excited, but realized that all but one had been baptised. One sister was not yet a member! So I let that stress help me decide to do baptisms, confirmations, AND inititories that day.

I’m so glad I did. The spirit I felt was overwhelming. But while I was sitting at the font, ready to be baptized, the sister in front of me had a few names she was doing for someone in her ward, and they were in a weird symbolly language. I got really nosey and stood up to look at the cards, and sure enough, they were in Korean. And I speak Korean! So I helped them pronounce the names as they were doing the work for them. I felt like God was making sure that those Korean sisters were thought of and important. It was truly special.

Guys, the Book of Mormon changed my life these last 3 months. I was able to finish it this morning and just say a prayer of gratitude for just how applicable the teachings have been to my life now.

I truly know what Pres Hinkley said is true.

President Hinkley in 2005,

Without reservation I promise you that if each of you will [read the Book of Mormon], regardless of how many times you previously may have read the Book of Mormon, there will come into your lives and into your homes an added measure of the Spirit of the Lord, a strengthened resolution to walk in obedience to His commandments, and a stronger testimony of the living reality of the Son of God.

I know that the Book of Mormon is truly for our day.

President Ezra Taft Benson declared in a general conference, “The Book of Mormon … was written for our day. The Nephites never had the book; neither did the Lamanites of ancient times. It was meant for us.”

President Hinckley said- “In its descriptions of the problems of today’s society, [the Book of Mormon] is as current as the morning newspaper, and much more definitive,”

Mormon 8:35 Behold, I speak unto you as if ye were present, and yet ye are not. But behold, Jesus Christ hath shown you unto me, and I know your doing.

I don’t claim to be “cured” of all of my excuses to not read the scriptures. I am not perfect

at applying the lessons. But I’ve tried and I’ve seen amazing things.

It is my hope that we will all read the scriptures and try to find ways they can apply to our  lives today. Whether that life be in school, work, unemployment, sadness, happiness, singleness, darkness, or bright light. The Book of Mormon is for us.

hello?

I haven't posted since January 1st.

I probably should have kept up at this because it's going to be hard to do these last 9-10 months justice.

January sucked. What with work being crazy and them forcing me to work overtime. It was really depressing. And I got really burned out for the next couple months. I'm not looking forward to that time of year again. (SOON! UGH!)

In February I went to Disney World! I fell in love with the place and had the most fun I've ever had. We went to the beach, to Universal Studios, to Downtown Disney, to every park in Disney World. SO FUN. I want to go back every day.

March passed by without much out of the ordinary. I started to like work a little bit better again. And I started to be better friends with people at work too. I have some amazing co-workers.

April brought with it some personal changes. I started reading the Book of Mormon again. I mention this because it really impacted my life a lot more than I thought it would. I owe every good thing that's happened this year to my Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. Reading the Book of Mormon  again helped me draw closer to them and helped me change my life.

In May I welcomed these sun with open arms. I LOVE summer. I LIVE for the summer. My roommate and I also decided, rather quickly, to move from West Jordan to Cottonwood Heights. It was the best decision ever. We moved in with Chelsey and Lynsie to a house and I've loved every minute.

Ryan and Courtney got married in June! It was a really fun and awesome day. I'm happy Courtney is a part of our family. I couldn't ask for a better sister-in-law. So far the two that I have are AMAZING. So lucky. My brothers are crazy lucky too. I also went blonde in June. I was blonde for all of summer. That was fun. I took at trip to Manti with my ward and roommates. I started and ended as a temple worker at the Oquirrh Mountain temple. Then was set apart to start as a temple worker for the Salt Lake temple in August.

July was crazy busy. I went camping with my family one night, got sick for a week, had a family reunion, flew to New York with my mom and Annalie for 8 days, came back, worked a little, and then Cyann and Justin came in from New Mexico to visit us! LOTS of jammed packed days with lots of fun. New York was incredible. I just love my family out there. Hi-lights include Niagara falls, Hill Cummorah Pageant and the Sacred Grove, the finger lakes, hiking in the Adirondacks with Aunts and Uncle and cousins, and our day in Philadelphia. So much fun!

August started out busy as well. Working full time in the summer is a joke. It's SO hard to want to go to work when the sun is out and the world is beautiful! I went to Yellowstone with my ward. It was a blast. A lot of driving. But a blast. I started working at the temple! It's so incredible to spend 6 hours a week at the temple. I'm learning so much, even if it is SO difficult to wake up at 4am those days.

And now, September. It's the end of the month. Everyone went back to life and school and jobs. So life sort of slowed down a bit. I have a capstone student at work, so I get to have a student almost every shift from now until the end of October. It's teaching me patience, that's for sure. But she's great. Smarter than I was in school. I've been hiking a few times here and there. Don't see my family as much as the summer, but that's life.

So sorry it's been so long. These are the goings on. I really want to blog soon and write about my thoughts about my goings on. Like I sort of mentioned, my life has really changed this year and I am just in awe of how great these changes are and how they came to be.

But I guess stay tuned for those thoughts.

Dear Mindy

Dear Mindy of January 2012,

Oh hey! How's it been going? Oh yeah, I totally remember.
You were SO ready for 2011 to end. I think it was one of the most stressful years. You ended that year not feeling like yourself and feeling a bit lost.
Well, I'm happy to report that you will become a lot better. In fact, this year is fun. It flies by. But you do a lot and learn a lot and love a lot of experiences.
Work towards your New Year's resolution of going out of the country. But, if you don't succeed, it's going to be okay. You'll do it next year for sure. (I sure hope so, Mindy of 2013.) You sure do try though.
Visit Cyann in February. Take pictures. I know you think you will, but it would be the pits if you came home and realized you only took a few pictures and never got any of you, Annalie, and Cyann together. So, take pictures. Other than that, just enjoy your best friends and their adorable kids.
Go to church. I know you like to sleep, but church is really important. You always have a great testimony, but it helps to keep going to church and trying. Read your scriptures. It'll give you strength because a lot of things in life sucks.
Work takes up most of your thoughts, time, and worries. It's tough some days, and some days you come home wondering why in the world you do what you do. Hang in there, remember to breathe, and find comfort in your co-workers. They are awesome. Welcome change. Don't hold grudges or take things personally. Do what you know you should do and do it your best. You might even learn that so many people depend on and appreciate what you do. And you might even be employee of the month. Don't get discouraged when you think you're not good enough. You are doing the best you can. Love every day even if you don't want to.
Make time for trips. You are going to have a lot of fun exploring the west coast. CA, WY, ID, UT, NM, AZ.... You get around! Be open to new experiences, get excited about going places, and make it a priority. It's important for your sanity.
You buy a car!! You finally figure out you can do it and you make the plunge and buy a very amazing and cute car. It's pretty, it's awesome, and it's your favorite thing ever. Make a good choice.
You move quite a bit this year. Out of Provo, some where not expected, and then to a really good place. Moving gives you the opportunity to start new and bring about change.
Change is good. You become a different person than you were last year. It's a really good thing. The important things about you stay the same, but you're smarter and stronger.
You can handle a lot of things that you didn't think you'd have to handle alone. Find peace in your strength, don't dwell on the things you don't have, and have faith that things will turn out for the better.
Your family is amazing. Take time to get to know them better individually. It will truly add to your happiness.
And when you and Annalie decide that running 50 miles next year is actually not too unrealistic, don't let anyone tell you otherwise and get out there and run! You LOVE running! Miracles happen. And next year, when Mindy of 2013 tells you about the race, you will not be surprised at how it went.
Keep on keeping on, love yourself, take time to go on adventures, and have faith.
2012 was so much better than the year before. And it can only get better from here.

Love,
Mindy of January 2013.

October

The month of October has been one of the most busy and stressful months of my life in a long long time.
And it's still going strong with the stress.

Swarley. My new friend.

I bought a new computer. It's amazing and it has been a great purchase. It's helped me rediscover the amazingness of the internet. I've been able to blog again, look at pictures I've taken over the last year, and pay my bills on time. So, pretty much a priceless purchase.

I got in a car accident on October 5th. i was with my friend Ashley Baugh from when I worked at the pool. We decided to finally hang out since it had been like 8 months. And we went to a haunted house. That was actually quite fun, more fun than I thought I would have there.
Afterwards, I was driving in Salt Lake trying to figure out how to get on the freeway, when I was turning left and realized, too late, that I didn't have a green arrow or the right of way and there were 3 lanes of traffic headed straight towards me.
I heard honking, and the next thing I knew, someone had it the passenger side of my car. The first thing I thought was "Not my pretty new car!" 
The next thing I knew, I was staring out of my windshield, the windshield wipers were all on, and Ashley was sitting there, not saying anything, with the airbags inflated around her.
I asked over and over if she was okay. She didn't answer at first, probably shock. We got out of the car and figured out that we were okay. The other car was okay too. No injuries. 
The rest of the night is a blur. It was awkward not knowing what to do or who to talk to or what to do with my car. I hated standing there, knowing it was my fault, and trying to figure it all out. Ashley called her family, and they all came to help. The nicest people on the planet. Seriously.
I finally called my mom back after telling her it happened and hanging up a minute later. She handed the phone to my dad and he talked me through what I'll need to do with my car. 

During the surgery. Poor thing.

That's when I started to cry. I don't really know why. Adrenaline wearing off, gratitude that my dad was being so nice, thankful that it wasn't too bad, and annoyance at the police officers for being so unhelpful.
So that was that night. 
My poor car had been sick and in the hospital for almost 32 days. I guess it was close to being called a total loss, but by a miracle, everything was fixable and my car looks as good as new. It was amazing getting my car back. I missed her.
It really was terrible getting in a car accident. I don't recommend it. I feel stupid, most of all, for the momentary lapse of brain function that must have happened to have this happen in the first place. I am a save driver. I keep thinking that Dan would probably be kicking himself because he taught me better. Mr. Safe-driver. I hope he never finds out this happened.
But I'm so grateful that if I HAD to get in an accident, it happened like it did. No one was hurt. There was no screaming, yelling, or crying (until I cried). I got a ticket, but that's paid off. My car was repaired. And my insurance company has been really great with everything. 

Another thing. You know how I don't love my job. Well, I don't hate it. I'm just sick of it and need a change. Well, the count for job applications is up in the 30's and I finally got a call on a job and a job interview at Primary Children's Medical Center in the OR.
It was such a dream come true. They called on a Thursday, the interview was set up on Monday, and on Tuesday I was nervously waiting in the nurse's lounge for my interview.
I think it went well. I think back on it and replay it in my head and there's not much I would change. I think I did a good job selling myself and letting him know what I was really like and that I would be a good fit. But then I waited a week (that's what they said to do) and I called to bug them a few times, and I still haven't heard anything either way. I'm just going to call it a loss now, but mark my words: one day I will work in the OR at Primary Children's. Just the things he said about the job and the atmosphere of the place let me know that this could definitely be my dream job.
In the mean time, work really hasn't been bad at all. My new manager has made things a billion times better, I feel like I've learned a ton and keep learning, and most of my co-workers are awesome. 

In church news, I was finally able to go to church in October after not being there since the beginning of September. I got a calling on the activities committee of our ward. Kind of a new experience for me, but I'm sure it will be good. I also was asked to speak that Sunday (the one Sunday I got to go to church in October). I did a good job, I hope. I really enjoyed speaking and that people know who I am now.

The next Sunday I worked, and by some small miracle, I got off work 10 minutes earlier than normal. I wanted to get home to my parent's house because my family was there and I like to see them. But in my slightly excited state, I drove too fast and got pulled over. I can't catch a break. I got a speeding ticket. The first once in almost 10 years of driving. I had to pay even more money for it and take traffic school online. Now that I've been educated, you can bet I'm the safest driver in the world now. You know the kind; they completely stop at intersections even when no one is there, they never run yellow lights, they go a little bit below the speed limit. So yeah, I've now aged 50 years and have even MORE anxiety when I drive.

I got to tell you, all of these stressful things were hard to deal with, but what kept me going was knowing that I was going on a trip to NYC the first weekend of November. I was excited. I kept thinking about riding in a plane, seeing Broadway plays, and eating good food in Korea town! I told everyone I knew about this trip. I was so excited.
And then....
Sandy.
That b*#@!. She wrecked the whole East Coast. I feel so bad for everyone that was effected. I was following the damage closely on the news. And then, the morning before we were going to leave, we officially found out that our flight was cancelled. So that went out the window.
We ended up going to the Grand Canyon. That was interesting and exciting. I'll write about that later.

Dad and Kevin at the race.

To combat the stress? Annalie and I took up running again. I haven't seriously ran in over two years. And when I did for a little while, it only last a few weeks until my knees hurt. But this time, I got a knee brace, made a plan, and we've stuck to it for 4 weeks now. I can now run a mile. I'm really excited about it. It feels great.

We decided to start running again after we went and watched my dad's race, the Pony Express trail run 2012. My brother Kevin ran 50 miles. And it is just inspiring to see so many people run for hours and hours on end. I would love to be able to do that. I'm not saying that I will for sure run a 50 mile race anytime soon, but I would love to be able to head out my door and run where I wanted to go. Plus, free therapy and stress relief. 


Well, this was all around just a weird month. Bad and worse and a little bit of good too. I'm glad it's over and that I can move on. One day I'll be grateful for these experiences. I always wonder why things don't work out the way I planned them to. It's frustrating. Especially when I feel like my life has always been exactly opposite of what I have planned. But one day, I'm sure, it will all work out and I'll know the why behind everything.

I moved.

In August I moved. Well, technically I moved a couple times. 

I moved from Saratoga, the house I was house sitting, to my apartment back in Provo. 

No offense to Provo, wait, YES offense to Provo: YOU SUCK. 

It was all welcoming and nice at first and I even bought into the wonder of P-Town. 

But then, like a horror movie, things changed and I started to see it's true colors. Now, I can't blame Provo for everything sucky that went on during that year, but it sure helps. I was super inactive in church. I went to church a grand total of 3 times during the first couple months of the year. And from May onward, I only went to church a couple times, but not at my correct ward. Part of the blame goes to my job, which likes to have me pass out pills and take care of people on Sunday. I like to think of it as "Healing on the Sabbath." But things got busy and I don't like Provo and so something had to change.

So I took the Mindy of the Provo. And yes, the Provo had been out of the Mindy for a long time.

I moved to West Jordan, up by Jordan Landing. I live with Annalie, my bestest buddy from school, and it's been a really good time so far!

New furniture makes me happy.

Beautiful bed.

My ward is really good. Not falsely amazing, like Provo was at first, but deep down this is a good ward. Now, (don't judge), but I've only been to this ward 3 times since I moved in. But it's definitely not my fault. It's work and General Conference and the Temple dedication's fault. I'm really happy to be at church and in a ward that doesn't creep me out. I spoke in church on the 21st. I have a calling. I go to institute willingly. I've even been to a few activities. And it's been good.

Our townhouse is great. I love it. I have a pretty pretty bed and I like living here. 

Utah County on the left, Salt Lake County on the right.
It was a clear choice. God approves.

fire

I guess it has been a while.
Sometimes I think about things to blog about. But then I never do it. Or then I think about the topic and think, "that's too depressing," or, "that's too happy," or, "who cares about that?"
I don't want to come across as anything less or more than what I am. I'm not depressed, I'm not super happy, and sometimes I think about things that probably don't matter. But that's me. So I can be allowed to write about whatever I want to.
Some things I've started to write about but never finished:

1. One of my favorite scripture stories is in 1 Nephi chapter 17 in the Book of Mormon. God leads Nephi's family into the middle of nowhere and has them do a bunch of things that they would never even dream of doing before or being able to do. Like in this chapter, God tells Nephi to build a boat so his family can go across the ocean to South America.
Seems pretty crazy. And I'm sure Nephi thought so too. God shows him how to build it, where to get the stuff for the tools and materials. And then Nephi has to start. He had everything he needs because God has been providing except for one little thing. FIRE. He doesn't have fire!! He never needed it! God was his light in the darkness, his warmth, made his meat sweet so they didn't have to cook.... So He explaining that for 5 verses, and Nephi says, "I rubbed two rocks together." He made fire. And I'm sure it was a pretty difficult task for him, considering that he spent 5 verses talking about it. He wouldn't have mentioned it if it were easy to come by.
Sometimes I feel like that. I feel like I can easily make really BIG changes in my life because God gives me very specific answers. Move here, work here, study this, go here, meet this person, don't do that. I can handle the really big changes pretty well because I have faith that God knows way better than me.
But then sometimes he leaves me up to my own devices, and I'm halfway through something that He led me to and I realize that I don't have something simple, like fire. I never needed it.
I'm missing fire in my life right now. I've got everything else except the fire. I guess it's time to rub two rocks together.

2. Sometimes people suck. Or they make you feel like you suck.
I'm one of the coolest people I know. Some days it is really apparent to me why I'm so awesome. But some days I have to remind myself why I am. And you know what? The people I tend to associate with lately make me rethink why I'm awesome all the time. And that sucks!
Who wants to constantly have to prove to other people that you have redeeming qualities? That your opinions are sound and that you're smart and funny? Who would like to stand around in a group and have to brag about yourself to make yourself feel good or liked??
More and more I find myself keeping quiet. I hate braggers. I don't want to be one. I know why I'm awesome, but I don't need to list all the reasons for these people just so they can like me.

3. I really want to go to Paris.

4. My ex-best friend got engaged and didn't tell me. I'm scared to death that it's because he hates me or his fiance hates me. I can't think of a single reason why they would. It haunts my dreams, makes me sad, distracts me at work, makes me sick, and makes me so angry.
I feel like this whole experience has caused me to distance myself from other friends that I have.
I wish I could just move on and be happy and forget about this. And I'm sure one day I will. But it hurts so much NOW.

5. I really have the best family in the world. I think I hang out with them too much.
Is there such thing as too much??
I just love them all.

Those would have been great blog topics, right?

in no particular order...

My nursing class as achieved the impossible! 100% pass rate on the first try for the NCLEX! It's an AMAZING feeling and I've never been so proud of us! I hope we get to celebrate soon! I just love them all! We're all slowly getting jobs too. Taking over the world, really. We ROCK.

I live in provo now. It's different. From what I had and what i expected. I like my roommates a lot. My ward is impressive. I like it so far. I like living close to family and my nephews. I like being so close to the temple. And wow, there are a lot more stores to choose from than just Lins, Smiths, and Walmart here. So weird! Downsides include BYU football season, BYU students, BYU being close by, and uh... BYU. But, be proud. I've only accidentally made fun of one BYU student.... that I know of.

I went to the temple on Saturday. I haven't wanted to go for a while. I feel bad about that. But the second to last time I went, my life problems multiplied by ten afterwards. And the last time I went I ended up crying. A lot. In the temple. ha. But this time....... I don't know. It was good. But I still feel so conflicted about life. Ugh........... I don't know what to say except I sort of came home feeling a little depressed. And that shouldn't happen. So.......... weird.

I think I'm going to do something crazy soon. Stay tuned.

I have about ten thousand dreams a night lately. It's almost like I don't sleep when I sleep. It hasn't been this bad since around March, when I would have rather stayed up all night than sleep. It's getting to that point. Maybe I need drugs......... hmmm.....

My job is still going okay. I am getting the hang of some things. Like my first shift it took me 4 1/2 hours to pass out the morning meds. And last week my time was 2 1/2 hours. So that's good. I still freak out if I hear the word "admit" floating in the air. And I still have a hard time telling people that I am, in fact, the nurse, despite my lack of knowledge. I'll get more confidence and start feeling better soon, I'm sure. It really is getting better. So that's good.

I can't believe that summer is over. It's weird that I moved. And that all my friends are moving away too. I guess that's what happens in life. You start over in a place, make that place your home, and then when you leave you add about 100 more people onto the list of people you will miss. I just wish that list wasn't so long.

ch-ch-ch-ch changes!

well.... things are changing for mindy's life. i just can't believe how fast it all changed and came together.

the last time i was home visiting i got a feeling like i should move home soon. because i was running out of money and because i needed to get serious about getting a job somewhere. i wasn't too excited about the whole idea, but it felt right. and what can you do when it feels right? putting off the inevitable, i told myself that i would go home for a bit (lowy's baby was coming any day), try to look for a job, and a place to live, then go back to cedar for a bit and finally move.

well, i told sarah, my lovely friend, that i was going to move home soon and she freaked out with excitement and told me to move in with her. it sounded too good to be true! i looked it up, talked to my parent's about it, and set up a time to see it. i visited, knew it would be AWESOME to move there, and applied.

then i thought, "oh crap. i can't commit to living in provo if i don't even have a job."

so i got on the interwebs one night and researched places to apply and beg for jobs. the last thing i did that night was check out a website i had applied to jobs a few months before. there was a job opening in American Fork. I apllied there before, and was rejected. so this time I just applied to apply, without getting my hopes up.

The next morning I was called for an interview. I was SO excited about that. all weekend i thought about what to say, what to wear, and how awesome it would be to have a job so close to provo and my family.

monday came and i went to my interview, quite nervous but feeling pretty good. i walked into the interview and they literally asked me about 3 things and then began to explain the job to me. they talked about weird and forgein things, but i smiled and nodded and asked a few questions. two hours later they called me back. i had gotten the job! i started the next day!

it all came together. the place, the job, my plans. i'm grateful that i at least have an idea of what my life is going to be like for the near future. and, just as expected, it seems silly now that i ever worried myself sick about all of it.

i've worked 4 shifts so far. it's overwhelming, hard, tiring, and crazy. i don't hate it. but i don't love it yet either. i think just being new and not knowing what to do is freaking me out a lot. i want to be comfortable there, but it'll just take time i suppose. i hope.

anyway, i'm a working girl now. pretty soon i will not be in poverty anymore. so that's a plus.

i still need to go to cedar to move my stuff...... that'll be this weekend's task.

Since San Diego:

I had 4th of July fun watching fireworks all over the city. I think the legalization of awesome fireworks has made this holiday more exciting because I don't have to buy fireworks. I can just enjoy watching all the fireworks within a 5 mile radius from my house.

I saw my dear mtc companion Kori! I just love her. She leads a crazy, all over the place life. So fun. She's been in Hawaii for a year and it's fun to hear about it. Hopefully she can stay there for a little while so I can go visit! 

I taught Sunday school for the first time since April. I forget that I have a calling. But I was so happy to finally teach again. I LOVE teaching gospel doctrine. I was intimidated at first but I can honestly say it's been my favorite calling ever. And I get to teach tomorrow as well! Yay!

I get to hang out a lot with Annalie and Cyann. They're great people. Cyann and I went to the car festival they had here. There were so many people there! More than cedar city has, I felt. I just love Cedar in the summer time. I've never gotten to stay here for summer. It's beautiful and fun here!

Annalie and I went to cedar lake last week and got a little bit of sun. That was fun as well. Until a dead fish floated up to us. Then we ran away and made a sand castle. 

I went home for a week last week. I got to hang out with mitch, luke, and Kevin from my mtc district!! It was a blast being with them again. They are absolutely hilarious and I laughed so hard at everything. I'm so glad we are all still great friends after all this time. I love my mission friends.

I started watching Lost. I'm hooked. And even though I have really strange dreams because of it, I can't stop watching. It's awesome!

Lauren had her baby shower last Saturday. She's huge! I'm so so SO excited to meet my new little nephew!!!! Ah!! I just love Camden so much. And I'm sure I'll love Kent just the same!! I can't wait!

We went up the canyon one night in Provo (gagging noise). It was awesome! I sprayed myself with so much bug spray. Lauren kept telling me I was ridiculous. But I didn't even get one bite! Ha! 

Sunday we went to my grandparents in salt lake for an ice cream party. It was fun. I love playing with my nephew. So much! We had some really good ice cream too. Then Jenny and I failed at foose ball. Oh well. (is it fooze? Who knows...)

Monday I saw Harry potter with my sister, mom, and Ian. It was a disappointment. But at least it can be over now. And at least lauren and I got to make fun of it the whole time.

On tuesday I went with Ashley to the dinosaur museum. I have never been to it before. I felt like a little kid with how excited I was to go. I love science stuff. And loved making my own Dino island in the sand. I'm so glad Ashley was just as excited as I was.

Wednesday I got to play with my nephew all day! He's so awesome. My favorite was when he would bark with the dogs when they barked at things, how he would chase reeses around the house because she runs away, how he stopped playing the piano to look up at the little Jesus statue and say hi, how he fell asleep with his leg up and hands behind his head, how he would feed the dog his food (one for him, one for the dog), and how cute he was when he was being read too. I just can't get enough of him.

The rest of this week I've been able to be with brittni. Its great when she gets to be in my life for more than 10 minutes a week. We ate at the pizza cart, rented.... A movie, shopped for Cyann, and had funny conversations. And planned another $5 prank of the week with help of lynsie.

My life is pretty okay right now. I want a job more than ever. I'm frustrated more than ever. But I cant complain.

The pioneers had it worse. 

a week

hung out with mom and sister.
beat jon at settler's of catan.
i applied for 5 jobs in one day. got a headache.
was surprized with a present and awesome cake for becoming a nurse.
made a pie.
had snuggle time with brittni.
rode my bike to annalie's.
did tae bo.
and zumba.
went camping! at red cliffs.
skipped a rock 7 times.
balanced a spoon on my nose.
got depressed while playing the game of life.
got maybe 4 hours of sleep while camping.
jumped off a rock into some water.
hiked.
forgave.
took a deep nap. so deep i forgot where and who i was when i woke up.
bought boy shorts at walmart.
went grocery shopping.
cleaned my closet.
drove to manti.
watched the manti pageant with brother and sister-in-law and the world's cutest nephew.
drove home by myself in the middle of the night.
our house was deemed "unsafe" due to carbon monoxide. no more gas for us.
witnessed truly bipolar weather.
made dinner.
got addicted to "private practice."

i liked this week.

brain thoughts

I'm an RN!!!

I don't think I'll ever tire of saying that. I'm so excited that I accomplished this.

Now I get to figure out life. You know, beg for jobs, figure out where I should live, and see what life's next adventures will bring. It's been confusing. Part of me has an idea of this great life that I can start soon. I get excited about it and plan for it and feel good about it. But then I have a second thought and a whole other plan creeps up and takes hold. Then I plan and fantasize and think. And it happens again. I wish I could see the future.

I'm really glad I got to go to the temple on Saturday. It was needed. I don't know how else to put it. I've been having some sad days lately. Sometimes I need the temple to help me get the sad out and sort through my feelings and thoughts so I can breathe again. Maybe it is terrible of me, but I could hardly pay attention. My thoughts were racing and piling up so quickly that I had to sort through them while I was there. It took all that I had in me not to freak out about the amount of thoughts and emotions that were going through my head. This makes me sound weird. But I am. I don't think I figured anything out 100%. But I came to understand a few things that I should probably do. Ugh........ I'm SO vague. Let's just say life isn't totally happy yet, but I have a few ideas on how to make it a little bit brighter.

Ever since I bought my "boat" I have dreams about going out to some lake somewhere and just rowing across for hours. Seriously. I'll just row and row to the sound of the breeze and birds. I'm alone. And it's so peaceful. I don't think I've been this excited about something I've purchased in a long long time.

I went to Lagoon with Annalie's family and my brother Connor on Friday. I really liked it. And really liked hanging out with my little brother. He reminds me so much of Ryan when he was younger. And I love hanging out with Ryan. So it was a lot of fun. It made me miss Ryan.

I added a list on the side bar of my blog. It's my summer to do list. I figure if I write it down and tell people about it then they can remind me to work on it. Especially all those goals that involve running. I really did get to a point once where I liked it a lot. Then that point faded and was replaced with loathing again. Anyway, these goals will happen. I'm sure of it.

I listened to all of my brother Davy's podcasts. It's called desert bears. Find it on itunes. Him and his friends are hilarious. I think they talk about nerdy things but some of them are really funny. It just reminds me of the fact that I have 4 of the most hilarious, awesome, and cool brothers in the world. Oh. Make that 5. Because my brother-in-law is awesome too.

Today in church a lady who was my young woman leader back when I was 14 commented on how well I have grown up. She said, "If only we knew then where your life would have taken you now, you would have been so excited!" I just kept thinking about that. And I really think I would have been excited. I'm really glad I'm not the same person I was in high school. My sister and I talked about that yesterday. We're totally different. And so much better. Like an upgraded version of myself. What a relief to know that I don't have to be the same. Sometimes change is the best thing.

I guess that's about it. I'm pretty sure all my blog posts are lame for those of you who actually read them. I really find these posts when I can just spew out my brain thoughts to be therapeutic. So... you can bet there will be more. My apologies.

memorial weekend

i'm a triathlete. it's a true story. the swimming was easy. the biking killed my butt. and the 5k was a 5k. i liked it. and it is possible that i'll want to do it again.

i bought a boat. not a boat, boat. but an inflatable raft. but it's not a raft raft. it's a boat. so yeah. it's awesome. i took it out on the lake with my little brother over the weekend. and we had lots of fun riding around. yesterday i took it to a pool and had lots of fun in the deep end rowing in circles. lily loved it. i did too. best purchase ever. i can't wait to take it all over the place.

i went to sarah's ward on sunday. her relief society was normal. i mean, normal. there was no "good news minute" or "miralce moment" or "point fingers at the less active members moment." and it didn't take them 40 minutes to get started. they started within the first ten minutes. i think my jaw was on the floor the whole time. it was a miracle. maybe i'll have to share that this week at my ward's "miracle moment."

sarah made me korean food on sunday. we ate kimchi chigae. and it was fantastic. so was our conversation. she's great. she helps me remember that not all of my friends are jerks. only one is.

i really love having family dinners. on memorial day my siblings all came over and we grilled up some steaks. kevin's steaks were fantastic. and making baby camden laugh was our favorite activity. we're just the coolest group of people. i think everyone should be jealous of my family.

the weather needs to be warmer. sometimes it's warm. but sometimes it's not. looking outside today it tells a windy, cold, sad kind of story. my skin deserves better. so i think i'll go to st. george again today.

oh. i am studying for the nclex. it's next week. i haven't gotten sick with nervousness yet. i probably should. but i'm studying. no worries.

timshel

this song is my favorite right now.

and...

life has to get better, right?

that's all folks.

summer?

i wish that my life was more interesting.

but summer started.
i guess it officially started after i got back from my graduation ceremony on saturday night. my family came in the house, said goodbye, and got on the road to head home 5 minutes later. my mom did slip me a 20 and told me to go out to dinner. 
okay....
brittni and i had my post graduation dinner at the thai place over by walmart. it was SO good. we got a 7 on the scale of 1-10 spicy-ness. and then decided next time we should ask for a 10. Maybe 11??
hmmm....
church is now at 11. it's nice. i had some weird dream sunday morning about me seeing a psychiatrist about my life depression problems and i couldn't remember ever meeting him. but he prescribed me a benzodiazapine and an SSRI, so i guess it was serious.

maybe the universe is telling me that i have problems. and need drugs.
relief society is so ridiculous lately. no offense to anyone who actually can feel the spirit after 20 minutes of "tell us why you should brag about your life" minute or "what stupid thing can you pretend was a miracle" moment. brittni and i took a walk before relief soceity to avoid the nonsense. but 20 minutes later, when we sat down, they were just starting the announcements.
this week our walk will be 30 minutes long.
i had plans of riding my bike a lot this week. but the weather thought otherwise. i took a walk in the snow on monday. got so cold that i had to sit in a blanket for a while afterwards. yesterday it was rain. today it's just cold.
i just want to camp every day of my life.
i don't know if i'm ready to be a grown up. i guess my college degree says i am. i wish i could just stay where i am for the summer. just 4 months. that's not a long time. i also wish that i won't run out of money.
so i guess i'm wishing for a miracle.

hmm.
gross.

Graduation

Graduation: Everything I hoped for. And more!

Annalie and I cheesing it up!

I think my favorite parts of the ceremonies were just chilling with my classmates waiting for things to start. I love them all! They're 19 of the best friends I've ever had!

Another line up. Waiting. Excited. So happy!

My roommate Lynsie also graduated from the college of Science with her Biology degree! Together we will take over the world!

Best friend Dan made the trip down for two of my ceremonies. It was great having him there!

Mom, Dad, Lauren, and Connor came as well. This was after my pinning ceremony. As nurses we get a special pin for the two years of near torture that we go through. Worth it? Maybe.... :) The pinning ceremony was my favorite part. I was voted "Most Likely to have a song written about them." Brittni wrote a song for me later that night.

The dipolma!! My favorite part of walking up on stage was the awkwardness of it all. First we got a picture taken, then got our names called, then walked to the Dean where he gave us these dipolma covers. He said, "Let's stop right here and look this way for a photo op." I had to contain the laughter at how lame that sounded.

The President of the University shook my hand and asked, "Do you have a job lined up yet?"

I said, "Uh...... No."

haha.

Graduation was awesome. I'm so happy for the experiences that I have had while attending University. I'm so excited for my future! And to be a nurse!

Congrats Nursing class of 2011! We did it! I love you all!