day 9

Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.

I think I'm going to go with my childhood best friend, Jayme (Sheldon) Harkins.

She and I were inseperable growing up. Even though she was two years older than me, we were the best of friends.

I remember the first time we met. I was in first grade, and she was in third grade. A whole bunch of neighborhood kids were playing in our cul-de-sac and Jayme wanted to play pretend "witches." I didn't want to. So I thought she was stupid. We ended up playing it anyway. And I don't really know how it happened, but she was my best friend ever.

I loved going to her house. She taught me lots of great things. She taught me how to play chess (most of my siblings don't know how to play), she taught me how to make popcorn on the stove, how to make ramen. We played pretend life together, watched movies, played barbies, legos, pretended to be famous singers, made up gymnastic routines on the trampoline, had sleep overs (one time she even punched me in the mouth and i lost a tooth the next day), we painted, did crafts with my mom, explored the desert, she was there when i broke my arm, we played with her bird, we walked to school, did EVERYTHING together. I owe a lot of my favorite personality traits to her.

The day I found out I was moving to Utah was sad. I didn't want to leave Jayme. I remember crying my eyes out on the 12 hour drive up to Lehi. I was so depressed. We wrote, called each other, and even sent each other tapes in the mail. I sent her pictures of my new friends, told her everything about crushes, she did the same. She even came out to visit twice.

I guess we just drifted because life made it happen. We would have been best friends still.

She got married a few years back. I got the invite and it was during the first week of school my sophomore year of college. I wanted to go so badly but my mom thought I'd better go to school. That is one of my biggest regrets. I wish I could have gone.

Jayme, if you ever read this, I hope you know what a big impact you had on my childhood and my life. You were the greatest best friend a girl could ask for. I'm glad we still talk a little bit on facebook. I wish were still close. You're fantastic.

Day 8

Someone who made your life horrible, or treated you like crap.

Haha.

Currently.....

My clinical instructor. She's making me angry on a daily basis with her inconsistent grading. But I mean, she's not a horrible PERSON, just a bad teacher. Any teacher who won't give out A's just because make me mad. Because I deserve an A, dang it! I work too hard to have her grade lower my GPA.

That's it. She's not too bad.

An I can honestly say no person has been so horrible to me. If people treat me like crap then I won't keep them around.

day 7

Someone who has made your life worth living for.

To be completely honest, I'm sure if I were married or had a kid or something, they would go here. but i don't, so I really don't know what to put here except..........

모연경 자매님. Sister Mo Yun-gyeong.

I met Sister Mo 2 years ago. The week of Thanksgiving in 2008. My companion had tried to discribe her unique personality but nothing did it justice. I met her at English class that Saturday and I think at first she was intimidated by a "new missionary" in the area. But we QUICKLY became friends. I think one of the first questions she asked me was "what is your blood type?" and when I answered "AB+" she freaked out because she had the same kind. INSTANT FRIENDSHIP.

We met every single Monday for the next 7 months of my mission. The last seven months of my mission. I worked SO hard trying to teach her the gospel. I had to teach every principle 3 times until she got it. I called her every night to get her to quit drinking coffee and I saw her every Saturday for english class. On Sunday I would call her at 8 in the morning to wake her up for church. She was my favorite Korean ever.

We called eachother sister. She called me her "older" sister because I was so smart and helped her life, even though I was only 22. It was such a compliment. I called her my twin. I've never met anyone who had a personality so close to mine. We really were twins.

On the day of her baptism I thought my life was complete. I don't think I've ever felt such happiness. It was the best day of my life.

Saying goodbye to her was the worst day of my life. She took my hand and said, "Thank you Crockett. Because of you I'm a good person." I cried.

She makes my life worth living because whenever I think about doing anything remotely wrong I think of her and what I taught her and I know that I know better. I think of what she thinks I am, and I try to be that person. She truly thought I was an angel. So every morning I wake up and I try to be that angel for her. Every good thing I do is for her.

I miss her more than anything in the world. I e-mail her every month. And I've only heard from her once since I've been back, but I think about her every day.

And how she made my life worth living.

Something you hope you never have to do.

I hope (and pray) that I will never get to the point of my life where I think that bridal showers are fun.

I'm serious about this. If this ever happens I can only imagine that I turned into a terrible version of myself.

*shiver*

day 5

Something you hope to do in your life.

Oh. There's lots that I want to do. Where to start....

1. Get married. I want that.
2. Have children.
3. Save someone's life.
4. Visit Korea again and even North Korea.
5. Keep learning Korean.
6. Learn another language. Like Japanese, Chinese, French, or Spanish.
7. Visit France.
8. Go to watch an Olympic swimming event.

These are what I think of first. I'm not sure if I really should only have one thing, so I guess if I had to choose one it would be to get married..

day 4

Something you have to forgive someone for.

the first thing that popped in my head is something i've been stuggling with for a while.
a while ago someone broke my trust. it was a really big blow to me and hurt me quite a lot. and although i didn't just give my trust back to this person (don't think i ever will again the way i had) i did get to the point where i could honestly say that i was okay with it.

the problem is that even though i forgave that person for breaking my trust, i never did forgive them for the way our friendship was affected.

i tried my hardest to keep our friendship going. i continued to invite them to hang out, texted them random things, tried to sit by them and talk to them when i was around them, and even called a couple times during the summer to hear about their life.

but they didn't put any effort into it anymore. what am i supposed to do about that? it's been so hard for me to lose this person as a good friend. now they are someone that i have only talked to once in the last 3 months.

i know i need to forgive this person for not putting any effort into our friendship. i don't know what they're thinking. maybe to them it's my fault. i don't know. but i need to forgive, don't i?

i know i'll get over it. i kind of just gave up a couple months ago. gave up contacting this person, seeing this person, even talking about this person. but i think it's time i stop trying to be a jerk and just be myself. if i want to put effort into it and they don't, then who cares. i'll do it anyway.

God will smile on me. and i need all the smiles i can get. :)

day 3

Something you have to forgive yourself for...

things i think i beat myself up for are about my friendships. the ones i worked so hard on and then because of circumstances or situations i let dwindle and become non-existent. i feel the most regret about not remembering people's birthdays or to call them back or to take time to see them when i'm in town. or just texting them once in a while. or allowing myself to think that they're just too busy to care if i talk to them or not.

so i need to forgive myself for forgetting.

i definitely don't do it on purpose. if i could stay good friends with every person i've been good friends with, i would. but...... is it possible? it's hard when they're all on to different places and things and interests. i don't know what to talk about with them anymore. "Yeah, i'm STILL in school and yeah, STILL not married. Thanks for asking."

i think the friendships i most regret letting slow down are my friendships with katherine, lacey, jeni, kris, kori, nicole creer, my sister, and sister mo.

some aren't my fault entirely, but some are.

i guess i'll just need to find a way to forgive myself.