korea

i've been back from korea now for about 2 and a half years. wow. some days i can't believe it; it feels like just yesterday i was there. other days it feels like it was all a dream and sometimes i forget that i can speak this obscure language.
it's more rare now than it used to be, but this week someone i hadn't seen in a while said, "i don't think i ever asked you, but how was your mission?"
and i feel like i get this sparkle in my eyes when i answer, "it was the best. amazing."

what did i do in south korea for 18 months? i completely changed. i learned about a different side of the world, a different history, a different people, way of life, and culture. i learned a different language, a different set of grammar rules, a different set of manners and respect. i learned of religions, of different points of view, of tolerance, and how to love absolutely every type of person. i learned to live with people i liked, live with people i didn't like as much, and take care of money and things. i learned to not be offended, to be open minded, and to be kind. i learned about patience, how real homesickness can be, how important family is, and how not important some things in my life were. i learned to live without calling home, without the internet, without friends, without music, without movies, and entertainment. and i learned all of that while preaching the gospel of Jesus Christ.

above all, i learned who Christ was, who He was to the world, and who He is to me personally. i learned that He lives. He loves every single person who lives and has ever lived and will ever live with a perfect love. He died for us, lived for us, and gave us the way back to him. He taught by example and words and deeds how we should live our lives. i learned about repentance. it truly can turn the darkest soul into the lightest of souls. about forgiveness and charity and love. i learned about how much God loves us. about His plan for us and how he is there for us. God truly listened to all of my prayers, even the sloppy ones in korean that hardly conveyed what i felt. He hears my prayers now, as a 24 year old working here in Provo. He loves families. i truly learned that families can be together forever. Eternity. A never ending unit. i learned about my importance as a woman on this earth, about my role, and how i play a part in his plan.

and i learned all of this on those streets in korea. going door to door, person to person, teaching them about the truths that i know. i was rejected, spit upon, pushed, sworn at, yelled at, laughed at, persecuted, reviled. but i was also loved, hugged, appreciated, thanked, received tears of joy, smiles, and friendship.

i cannot even imagine my life without the experience i had as a missionary for my church. i change in SO many ways. i can't imagine a life without my mission. and sometimes i look at people who reject the opportunity to go and serve and it hurts my heart. i'm sure they can learn these things another way. but to me, it would be the hard way.

some people think our church is evil. that we are not Christians. that we don't believe in Christ. that we're a cult. there is nothing that makes me more sad. I love Jesus Christ with all that I have. I owe him all that I am. our church is only good. it teaches us to love everyone, to trust in God and Christ, to listen to the Holy Ghost, to pray, to believe in truth, to repent, to forgive, to not drink, smoke, have sex before marriage, and to marry someone for eternity and raise a family. there is nothing evil in that.

i think about korea every day. and to me, korea is all of those things that i learned.

monday

on monday, i didn't have to work after working around 51 hours the week before.

so after sleeping in, taking a nap, and lying there, i got online.

and i started looking at pictures that reminded me of how much i love fall.

for me, summer is my favorite. then winter. and spring and fall are tied.

so, i got to thinking how much i love wearing fall clothes, and being out side in the fall.

so i got ready, grabbed a book, and drove up the canyon.

I stopped at a park that I went to this summer. It was so beautiful. And there was hardly a soul there. I wanted to sit close to the river, but there were a few painters nearby with their easels set up. I didn't want to be in their paintings. (That was really cool. When I got up there, their canvases were empty. When I left, they had a magnificent fall scene.)

 Yeah, I took pictures of myself. Maybe around 20. I deleted most. And kept this one. My hair rocked that day.

Pretty.

I took a "panoramic" picture with my camera. I messed up a bit on the left, but it captures the park.

I sat there, reading the book "Heidi" for about 4 hours. It was AMAZING. I would love to do that everyday. (I would have done it today again, but it was SNOWING. crazy.) It started to rain a little bit as I was leaving. PERFECT. I love rain.

And, at one point, a LARGE weird looking thing was on my blanket. I might have freaked out a bit. Then i took a bad picture of it.

On another note, the book "Heidi" is really cute. I grew up watching the movie with my mom and sister all the time. We loved watching it. Recently, my sister and I found it on netflix and re-watched it all. CLASSIC.

The book was different, as books are. It was cute and sweet and full of great lines.

I think the things I got out of it were the cheesy religious things that she would say. Clara's grandmamma taught Heidi about prayer. And so she prayed to God because she couldn't tell anyone else her problems. After a while when she still didn't get what she wanted, she stopped praying. And grandmamma taught her that you can't stop praying. God has his own time table; He'll give us what we need when we need it. She wanted to move back home, but didn't for a while. She later realized that if she got what she wanted when she wanted it, she would have never learned to read or been good friends with Clara, both things that blessed her and others immensely in her life.

She went on to teach and remind other people in her life about prayer. How you have to pray to God and tell him everything, that he'll listen, and give you what you need when you need it. And be grateful.

What a beautiful Monday.

a day

i get to work. 10 minutes early. because i get nervous that i'll be late. and because i like to get started right on time. i know it's going to be a crazy day just because i'm working on the rehab floor. it's definition crazy.
i get report. i learn of what's been going on. i haven't worked this floor in about two weeks. so things have changed.
i start my med pass. morning meds are the hardest. everyone has at least 6 pills. then there's the iv's. and the breathing treamtments. the blood sugar checks. insulin. eye drops. and everyone remembers that they need pain pills. and i have to wait to get blood pressures for a few people.
my cna's come up to me at least 3 times. "so and so is feeling nauseated." "what's her face is refusing breakfast," "what's his bucket thinks he has a doctor's appointment today."
and oh, the phone. rings off the hook. and half of the calls are for me. "Mindy, you have a call on line one." "Rehab nurse, you have a doctor holding on line 3." "Rehab, you have a call on line one." An endless game. Sometimes they're important. like the lab. "uh..... so we came to draw that lab last night but didn't put the blood in the right tube. do you still want it done?" "Uh... YES." sometimes they're kind of annoying. "you're my mom's nurse. how is she doing?" and i'm thinking, "which one is that? i think i walked into her room and saw her for 1 minute this morning."
"Oh yeah. She's doing great."
Then therapy comes up to me. "So and so doesn't look to well. You should check him out."
Ok..... add that on my to do list.
i get the morning meds done. and figure out what wound treatments i have left to do. then i remember the to do list.
i check him out. he doesn't look too good.
ask my manager. because i still don't know what i should really be doing in some situations.
then i get to order a chest x-ray. call the place. figure out i did it wrong. call the place again. order a UA to be drawn. put "get urine sample" on my to do list.
keep going....
what's her face is being discharged today. yippee. i've never done a discharge before. ask a bunch of questions to another nurse. get the papers figured out. put "finish papers" on my to do list.
phone call. it's the lab. what's his bucket has critically low lab values. Potassium and Sodium. Oh great, what do I do with that? Go to manager's office. Ask questions. Get some answers. But not all. Go check on patient.
Call the doctor.
He's only rude about three times. Like, "You didn't answer my question." or "You are just talking about nothing." or "You don't know anything about this patient."
feel stupid. brush it off. tell the managers whats going on. they handle some things. they tell me to order labs. i write them on my to do list.
........ where was i?
patient's family complains about bed. send them to social services. patient complains about room. send him to social services. question about insurance. send her to social serives.
afternoon meds? i guess it's about that time?
X-ray comes. she makes me stop what i'm doing to help her. really?....................
patient's family comes to pick her up. oh yeah......... about that paper work. i grab papers. forget to grab all of them. go back to get them. back in the room. forget some more papers. ugh..... i sign, fill out, explain, smile. and then send them on their way.
computer charting really fast.
oh, yeah. my med pass.
manager comes and says, "Mindy, I made taco soup. You should go eat some. It's in the break room."
I want to say, "Have you seen my to do list lately? It's crazy."
Treatments. dress some wounds. check some surgical sites. looks beautiful.
lab comes. "Hey, have you got that urine sample yet?"
crap.
grab a catheter, a tube, and biohazard bag. 10 minutes later i've got it all figured out. hand it to the lab lady.
"so and so won't let me draw her blood."
okay...........................
i diffuse that problem. so and so is about to cry. and i just have to tell her it's okay.
oh yeah, and pass out pills to everyone again.
i guess i should chart too... but... wait, where are my charts? someone stole my charts!
i get everything i can done.
i'm hungry. i'm tired. i'm exhausted. i'm spinning.
the next nurse comes on to relieve me.
THANK YOU.
i give report. tell him about my day.
now i get to go home.
after i find my charts..........................

yay!

i finally have an awesome ward.
i mean, the most awesome ward i've ever had.
not only are they organized, really on top of things, and know my name,
they are some of the friendliest people i've ever met.

my visiting teachers rock. i love them. LOVE them.
the girls i visit teach are SO sweet. they rock.
i met a sweet girl last week and she cut my hair at her salon this week. so fun to get to know her.
my calling, although intimidating, will be incredible for me. i'll get to know people and learn to love people. i'm excited.
our activities are well attended. and are actually fun. because everyone is so nice.
today, as i was sitting alone in sacrament meeting, someone came to sit next to me. he talked with me before the meeting started. so nice.
same with sunday school. i was with my adorable roommate. and 2 people came to sit by us. and i loved that the guy that sat next to me would make fun of things with me. ha.
relief society is grand. just wonderful. and normal. and i don't want to poke my eyes out ever.
oh, and last week i probably got 7 compliments on my outfit. today i got 5. how nice!
after church we had break the fast. i got to help with that. we ate and talked with everyone for like an hour.
we have ward prayer. love it.
and i met with the other girls who have my calling tonight. they're so nice and on top of things.

i really can't say enough good things about this ward.
sorry if it sounds like bragging. i just want to remember this love forever.
i was SO nervous to move here.
and now i'm so glad i did. it's great to love things again.

:)

memories- age 1-3.

i want to blog about interesting things.
you know, not just what's happening in my life.
although, to be completely honest, i kind of consider this blog my journal.
i need to get better at journaling too....

anyway,

i once had this idea to write down things that i remember from certain times of my life.
the other day my mom asked me what my earliest memory was. i listed off a list like this:

(these were all in new york)
naming my doll, baby biscuit. 

i LOVED this doll. LOVED it. the velcro hands, the squeakers... <3

dad making baby biscuit eat a cracker. (it was MAGIC, i swear. amazing.)
our laundry room in the basement.
sitting in front of the washing machine when baby biscuit was being washed.
our back yard, and the gap in the fence i used to squeeze through.
our basement where the tv was. (we liked watching rescue 911)
the time davy pretended to pass the sacrament to me and kevin in the front room.
having the chicken pox.
washing my hair in the bath tub.
aunt phyllis combing my hair.
mom combing my hair with "no tangle" spray. (i had super tangly hair. still do.... hmm...)
lauren being born and visiting her at the hospital.
sticking that button up my nose. the nurses laughing at the hospital. and me asking mom if i could have the button back.
getting lost in the store.
my first dream ever. (my family was shocked that i remember this. but i do. very vividly. i was sitting on my back porch watching my dad mow the lawn when a GIANT bee started to chase me. I was terrified. so i ran into our house and sat down to watch davy and kevin play video games. i remember telling my mom about the huge bee the next day and her telling me that it was a dream.)
grandpa calling me "mindy peanut."

that's about it for new york memories. it's funny the things i remember. and that most of them included baby biscuit. haha.

what were your earliest memories??

my rain

i was in church one sunday, when i was in high school, when my young woman's president stood up to teach.
i don't remember what the lesson was about. but i was a ponderer. still am. i listened.
i remember one of the last things she said that day. she wanted us to think about God and how much He loved us. she said that there are reminders of His love for us every day.
she said that she liked to think that we got to help with the creation of the earth. God let us pick what we created and we helped Him.
"mine was sunsets," she said. "if this is true, i like to think that i helped create sunsets." it was an odd concept.
"every time there is a sunset, i take the time to stop what i'm doing and think about God's love for me. and that we made the sunsets together. and that He sends it every day just for me. to remind me of His love."
if this is remotely true, mine is rain.
that's part of the reason i love rain so much.
it seems that every time it rains, it's the precise moment that i need to remember that God loves me. that He's watching me. and helping me everyday. and He's aware of me.
every time it rains i stop what i'm doing and think about God's love for me.
as ridiculous as it sounds, every time it rains i feel a little bit closer to him.

it's been raining here lately. God knows i need it.
and i love it. I love Him.

in no particular order...

My nursing class as achieved the impossible! 100% pass rate on the first try for the NCLEX! It's an AMAZING feeling and I've never been so proud of us! I hope we get to celebrate soon! I just love them all! We're all slowly getting jobs too. Taking over the world, really. We ROCK.

I live in provo now. It's different. From what I had and what i expected. I like my roommates a lot. My ward is impressive. I like it so far. I like living close to family and my nephews. I like being so close to the temple. And wow, there are a lot more stores to choose from than just Lins, Smiths, and Walmart here. So weird! Downsides include BYU football season, BYU students, BYU being close by, and uh... BYU. But, be proud. I've only accidentally made fun of one BYU student.... that I know of.

I went to the temple on Saturday. I haven't wanted to go for a while. I feel bad about that. But the second to last time I went, my life problems multiplied by ten afterwards. And the last time I went I ended up crying. A lot. In the temple. ha. But this time....... I don't know. It was good. But I still feel so conflicted about life. Ugh........... I don't know what to say except I sort of came home feeling a little depressed. And that shouldn't happen. So.......... weird.

I think I'm going to do something crazy soon. Stay tuned.

I have about ten thousand dreams a night lately. It's almost like I don't sleep when I sleep. It hasn't been this bad since around March, when I would have rather stayed up all night than sleep. It's getting to that point. Maybe I need drugs......... hmmm.....

My job is still going okay. I am getting the hang of some things. Like my first shift it took me 4 1/2 hours to pass out the morning meds. And last week my time was 2 1/2 hours. So that's good. I still freak out if I hear the word "admit" floating in the air. And I still have a hard time telling people that I am, in fact, the nurse, despite my lack of knowledge. I'll get more confidence and start feeling better soon, I'm sure. It really is getting better. So that's good.

I can't believe that summer is over. It's weird that I moved. And that all my friends are moving away too. I guess that's what happens in life. You start over in a place, make that place your home, and then when you leave you add about 100 more people onto the list of people you will miss. I just wish that list wasn't so long.