Happy Nurse's Week

Got a call from a doctor. He starts chewing me out because his patient wasnt at his appointment this morning. I said I'm sorry but I don't arrange transport or handle the appointments. He goes off about how this appointment was important and not only that, but that he wrote it and it was a direct order from a doctor. I find myself apologizing to him again when in all reality he should apologize to me and to our transport lady who he reduced to tears. What a jerk.

Mrs. Pill popper has fallen again. 5th time in 3 weeks. She won't call for help when she gets up because it's embarrassing. I have to go console her while she's crying on the floor and make sure she's okay but also get mad at her for not being safe.

Mr. Creepy smells. But won't take a shower. We've talked to him multiple times and he just won't budge. We give up. So later when I come into his room to give him something, he yells at me for my staff treating him terribly and lets out a string of swear words to get his point across. I just have to stand there and take it.

Ms. Hypochondriac wants me to call the doctor RIGHT now for some new problem. But I know the doctor hates her and won't see her. Instead, she calls his office and yells at a nurse. 5 minutes later I get a phone call from said doctor demanding to know why she's so mad and why she called his office. Joy.

Miss Princess calls me into her room. I ask what I can help her with and she begins to tell me how inconsiderate I am for forgetting to put her sock on after I changed her bandages on her leg. I apologize but she rips me a new one for forgetting and being so terrible to her.

Ms. Talker tells me she wants pain pills right in the middle of a million other things I have to do. An hour later my CNA tells me that she is threatening to call 911 because she hasn't gotten them yet. So I drop everything to please her and have to put up with her telling me how I'm not doing my job right.

Mrs. Confused is confused again and doesn't know where she is or where her husband is. I have to break the news to her that her husband died several years ago and she just can't remember it.

I get a phone call from the hospital. "Hey, this is so and so RN from the hospital here to give you report on Ms. New lady." I put her on hold for a second and ask my manager, "am I getting an admit?" "oh yeah. No one told you??" Nope. Last to know.

Miss Tiny lady's blood pressure is super low. I run in to check on her. She's just fine. As I'm leaving the room she says, "thanks for checking on me. It means a lot." she grabs my hand and says, "Can I have a hug? I'm so lonely." I give her a hug and talk with her for five minutes. She tells me how much that helped her.

Mr Cancer returns from his check up appointment. He feels like crap from all the chemo and radiation he had to go through the past three months. I walk into his room so see how he is doing and instead he reaches out to hug me. He cries on my shoulder and then says, "They got it. My cancer is all gone! I get to go home in two weeks!" This time I give him a hug. We cry together for a few great moments.

Some days I wonder why it's even worth it. Without fail something amazing happens that reaffirms why I would ever put up with all this stress.

Happy nurse's week to all my fellow nurses. We amaze me.

Thoughts I had today while at work.

I can't wait to be sunburned. Really. I love it. The burning, the heat, the way you can hardly move because your skin might just rip. I love it. I can't wait.

Fad dieters seem so unintelligent to me. I don't applaud you. Get a brain. I hate when people congratulate you when you only eat 700 calories a day and go around bragging about it. You're going to get sick of it after a week and binge. So just stop. Idiot.

Why has nobody made a Sitcom about a nursing home?! It would be HILARIOUS and intense and awesome. I could come up with seven story lines a day.

If I could do anything right now it would be to be boating. In my swim suit, Getting burned, wet, swimming in a lake.

I should figure out life. Where I should live, where I should work, who I should live with. That would be good.

I don't see any of my friends enough.

I don't mind the smell of second hand smoke. It reminds me of Korea and big cities and I just like that.

Summer is my all time favorite. I can't wait for it!

My trip!

I took some time off work and went to New Mexico to have a best friend reunion and to meet a new little baby! It was lots of fun.

She's such a focused driver.

Annalie and I drove down together in a nice car that we rented. We didn't want to risk dying by taking our cars.

I'm so glad my phone takes amazing pictures. This wasn't even edited. Such a pretty sky. We drove down the backside of Utah. Really pretty sometimes, really boring some other times.

We stopped at the Monticello temple to walk around it. Now Annalie's been to every temple in Utah.

Pretty Windows.

We drove through Colorado. For about an hour.

An awesome picture taken by Annalie in Shiprock, NM. Random bridge. We had a good car ride down.

I was SO excited to see Lily again! I miss that girl. She's so cute. And energetic. She forgot my name a couple times, but I'll forgive her. I can't believe she's five now!

This is the little tiny Chloe. She is just perfect! New baby smell, tiny fingers, cute little feet, goes cross eyed, hardly makes a peep unless she's hungry. Just perfect.

I think Lily likes having a baby around. It might take a while to get used to it. I tried to explain what being an older sister means. It means you can tell her what to do.

She's so precious! I could have held her all day long.

 Cy, Chloe, and Lily. Words can't express how glad I was to see Cy. I MISS HER SO MUCH. It just felt so NORMAL to be at her house again. I can't explain it. Sometimes you just get lucky enough to have friends that, no matter how long you've been apart from each other, you can pick up right where you left off and not feel any different. That's how it was. Just so normal. Except now she had a different house and a little baby. But it was just so normal. I love her.

 Justin and Cyann being awesome parents. They really are great. And just hilarious. I forgot how hilarious Justin is sometimes. Cyann and I also rediscovered how fun it is to gang up on Annalie and tease her. (Sorry Annalie!)

 Lily took a couple naps on me. :)

Annalie didn't eat more than ten in the first sitting.

 Cy's cookies!! So good.

 Annalie and the little baby. She probably didn't know that I took this picture. Good thing she always looks amazing.

 Chloe even got a new name while we were down there. It sounds so sophisticated. Cha-lo-eh Ann-ah-bel-ah Ss-ha. We had a fun week. We watched tv, played with the little ones, took a tour of Gallup, learned about the Navajo nation, talked a lot about our nursing jobs, met Cy's new friends, had a private showing of "The Vow" at the local movie theater (Lily doesn't call it a futer anymore.... growing up *sniff*), bought Navajo jewelry, made great food, played games (I won!!), and just had a ton of fun just talking.
We had to leave on Monday morning because I had to go back to work on Tuesday. Stupid work.

His thumb is out and everything!

 On the way down we saw 11 hitch hikers. On the way up we saw 13!! I took some creepy stalker photos of these two.

Arizona

 We decided to stop at the four corners on the way home. I liked to snap photos of the state signs.

Colorado

New Mexico

Annalie felt a sort of zen being in four places at once.

 The four corners was awesome!! Good thing we were basically the only people there. We were (I was) running around like a crazy lunatic, so excited to be in four states at once! I even ran from Utah to Arizona to New Mexico then to Colorado and back four times in a row! Beat that, Dad!!

Going Korean for this one.

 We found some cheaper and pretty jewelry to buy at the four corners. Annalie bought some pretty earrings.

 These arrowheads are what I would have bought my family as souvenirs if I felt like they would like them or wear them. So, just look at the pictures instead and pretend that I bought them for you.

Utah

 It was snowy in Utah when we got back to our neck of the woods.

You can't tell, but we hit 13,000 miles in the car. Yay us!
Such a fun trip. I hope I can go back to visit soon! I already miss them all so so much!
Thank Cyann and Justin for letting us crash at your house and play! You guys are the best! Love you!

glimpse

Yesterday I started talking to one of my patients.

He’s LDS and our past conversations led him to understand that I was LDS as well. I tend not to give a lot of personal information about myself to my patients. You never know, you know? But he learned this and we had a connection.

He had a rough day. But I’ll be darned if he didn’t smile genuinely every time I walked into the room.

We were talking when I gave him his pills just before dinner. I had only 45 more minutes of working and I just wanted to go home. I wanted to leave the room quickly and just get things done. But I knew that I was his favorite nurse and so I stayed in the room to talk to him.

He told me how much he appreciated me. And explained how I light up the room when I walk in.

I don’t know how to respond to such amazing compliments as that. So I just deflected and told him how much I appreciated his words and his positive attitude. It really is a pleasure to have patients like him.

He stated, “I’m just trying to live how the Savior taught and would have us live.”

He said "us." It didn't mean "members of the church." It meant him and me.

I got caught off guard. He put me in a category with himself. I thought about how strong he must be. To go through all that he’s gone through: Divorce, remarrying, putting his wife in a nursing home, moving all over the country, living with diseases, and having a 5 bypass surgery. And yet every other thing he says glorifies God and all of his blessings. And he put me in a category with himself.

I’ve been in a place lately where I feel like I’m not doing anything right. And it was as if he opened up the spiritual door that I have closed when he verbalized his motto in life. When he invited the Savior and his teachings into our conversation.

Again, he said that I have a light and a spirit about me. He said righteous people light the world from inside out. He said he could see that in me and in the way I treat everyone.

Part of me wanted to stop him and tell him how I haven’t been to church in a few weeks, how I hate my ward, how sometimes I swear, watch rated R movies, think bad about Provo Mormons, wish I didn’t have to go to church,  how I don’t read my scriptures often enough, don’t write in my journal, how I don’t pray enough, I’m ungrateful, my temple recommend is expired, I don’t even want to go to the temple some days, and how terrible of a person I feel like all the time.

But I listened. And wow. He took all my words away. I couldn’t even reply to all the wonderful things he was saying about me.

I forgot about all the good things about me. But for those five minutes that I stayed in his room I got a glimpse again.

fire

I guess it has been a while.
Sometimes I think about things to blog about. But then I never do it. Or then I think about the topic and think, "that's too depressing," or, "that's too happy," or, "who cares about that?"
I don't want to come across as anything less or more than what I am. I'm not depressed, I'm not super happy, and sometimes I think about things that probably don't matter. But that's me. So I can be allowed to write about whatever I want to.
Some things I've started to write about but never finished:

1. One of my favorite scripture stories is in 1 Nephi chapter 17 in the Book of Mormon. God leads Nephi's family into the middle of nowhere and has them do a bunch of things that they would never even dream of doing before or being able to do. Like in this chapter, God tells Nephi to build a boat so his family can go across the ocean to South America.
Seems pretty crazy. And I'm sure Nephi thought so too. God shows him how to build it, where to get the stuff for the tools and materials. And then Nephi has to start. He had everything he needs because God has been providing except for one little thing. FIRE. He doesn't have fire!! He never needed it! God was his light in the darkness, his warmth, made his meat sweet so they didn't have to cook.... So He explaining that for 5 verses, and Nephi says, "I rubbed two rocks together." He made fire. And I'm sure it was a pretty difficult task for him, considering that he spent 5 verses talking about it. He wouldn't have mentioned it if it were easy to come by.
Sometimes I feel like that. I feel like I can easily make really BIG changes in my life because God gives me very specific answers. Move here, work here, study this, go here, meet this person, don't do that. I can handle the really big changes pretty well because I have faith that God knows way better than me.
But then sometimes he leaves me up to my own devices, and I'm halfway through something that He led me to and I realize that I don't have something simple, like fire. I never needed it.
I'm missing fire in my life right now. I've got everything else except the fire. I guess it's time to rub two rocks together.

2. Sometimes people suck. Or they make you feel like you suck.
I'm one of the coolest people I know. Some days it is really apparent to me why I'm so awesome. But some days I have to remind myself why I am. And you know what? The people I tend to associate with lately make me rethink why I'm awesome all the time. And that sucks!
Who wants to constantly have to prove to other people that you have redeeming qualities? That your opinions are sound and that you're smart and funny? Who would like to stand around in a group and have to brag about yourself to make yourself feel good or liked??
More and more I find myself keeping quiet. I hate braggers. I don't want to be one. I know why I'm awesome, but I don't need to list all the reasons for these people just so they can like me.

3. I really want to go to Paris.

4. My ex-best friend got engaged and didn't tell me. I'm scared to death that it's because he hates me or his fiance hates me. I can't think of a single reason why they would. It haunts my dreams, makes me sad, distracts me at work, makes me sick, and makes me so angry.
I feel like this whole experience has caused me to distance myself from other friends that I have.
I wish I could just move on and be happy and forget about this. And I'm sure one day I will. But it hurts so much NOW.

5. I really have the best family in the world. I think I hang out with them too much.
Is there such thing as too much??
I just love them all.

Those would have been great blog topics, right?

A letter

Dear Mindy of January 2011,
Wow. You are in for quite a lot of change.
It's so weird to think of where I was at this time last year. Where you are at.
Well, you worried about a lot of things this time last year. Mostly your preceptorship.
Don't.
Sure, you don't get the time or location you really wanted. But it turns out perfect for you. Your nurse is amazing; someone you can really emulate, you have great learning experiences, and you really miss it when it is over. You get so excited to be a nurse.
School, on the other hand, is quite long and pointless at times. It's hard. You know that. Between the sleep deprivation and the pointless assignments and projects, you are so ready to graduate. But enjoy every moment. Love your classmates. You'll miss them when you don't get to talk to them everyday. Love the time you get with Cyann and Annalie, even when it's time doing pointless projects.
Start researching for your news hour presentation a few weeks early. You don't want to get a B+. That will be the difference between a 3.9 and 4.0 GPA.
Have fun with your amazing roommates. (How did you get so lucky??) Play, laugh, go on adventures, make time to cuddle. Give Brittni all the money you have so she doesn't have to get a second job.
You are so happy for the first months of 2011. Happiest time you can remember in a long time. You even dye your hair every other second. (Don't try the blonde. It really is terrible...)
Graduation really comes. It seems like something so distant but it comes quickly. Have fun. Take a million photos. Thank your family for coming. And Dan. It really means so much. Thank Sarah for the present she gets you. (You're going to LOVE it!!)
After graduation comes some hard and sad times. Devastating and life altering times. Don't even think about them now. I don't even want to mention it. But remember to hold close to the friends you have. Don't shut them out. Don't destroy any part of your friendships. You need them. And you'll sabotage any friendships you hope to make if you forget how important it is to just BE a good friend.
Don't stress too much about the NCLEX or finding a job. Stress a little; it helps you study and apply for jobs. But not so much that you're depressed. Not so much that you cry and yell at everyone and freak out about the future.
Study hard. Get a blessing from dad before your test. It really calms you. And it isn't too bad. (You.... Pass!) But even though I told you that, Study!!
Enjoy summer in Cedar. It is so beautiful and wonderful. You have fun camping adventures, boating excursions, and you even get a bit tan! :)
Go to the beach. I went as a desperate escape from life and a reminder that there is world beyond Utah. But YOU should go to have fun with your best friends. Go to party at Sea World and to get sand up in all your crevices. Haha... Oh man, we're funny.
Find ways to be happy even when you don't feel like it. Play video games and board games with Lily. Make delicious dinners at Cyann's. Play with Brittni every night (since she can because you gave her all your money). Have an amazing Christmas in July! Best day ever!
Apply for jobs. Everywhere and anywhere. Take time every day to search. Take Tylenol BEFORE you start looking. (Job searching headaches are terrible.)
You will finally get a job. Maybe not as soon as you wanted to, but pretty quickly when compared with other places. Training isn't fun. But listen.
Tell your manager than you CAN'T train on August 11th or 12th. So you can can go to Quin's wedding, Kris's wedding, and meet your new nephew. She'll be okay without you for those two days. Save yourself the tears. (Sorry to give away specifics, but this is important.)
You will love your job. At first you think it's the death of you and that you should just quit because it's making you miserable. But it really is a great fit for you. And one day, when you talk to your nursing friends, you will be the only one who really loves their job! How lucky!
Love your new apartment and ward. You love it so much at first, but keep loving it. Try really hard to talk to everyone and remember their names! You suck at the name thing. But don't let it intimidate you into never learning. Visit teach. Go to activities when you can.
Visit Brittni. And Annalie. Call Cyann every week. Sometimes you forget, but get with it!! Visit Lynsie and Chelsey. Have a Halloween party. Dress up.
Start listening to Christmas music in October. You never get sick of it this year, for some reason. Have a great holiday season. Try to be happy. Things are looking up for us.
Don't trade so many shifts that you work 6 days in a row the week of Christmas. You may be thinking,'"duh!!" but don't do it.
Let the sad things of 2011 go. Don't let them ruin any second of 2012. They're done. They are memories now. In the past.
Remember the happy times. Look forward to happy times.
Hope this helps,
Mindy of January 2012

i'm a dandy

i still love my job. okay... some days i don't. like when i have someone tell me that i'm getting 4 admits. and even worse, i found out, was the day after having 4 admits. fixing orders, trying to explain things to families, calling doctors, and trying to have a smile while doing it.
but then there are these moments that make everything worth it.
like when i walk into a patient's room and she smiles from ear to ear, takes my hand, and starts tearing up as she says, "I'm SO glad you're my nurse today. I just love it when you're here. You are a perfect nurse. I just love you."
true story. :)
plus, there is this adorable old man who likes to follow me around all day because he doesn't really know what else to do or what's going on. his dementia makes things really entertaining for us both. like how he asks the same question to me 7 times in one hour.
whenever i have to walk away from the nurses stations he gets a little anxious and asks, "where are you going?" and i tell him i'll be right back. when i come back he says, "i thought you'd abandoned me!" and i reassure him.
but i surprised myself the other day when i walked back to the nurses station and he was gone. i found myself looking around for him, and when he walked up i said, "i thought you'd abandoned me!"
he's so fun. and he told me i'm his favorite nurse. he said, "you're a special one. you're a dandy."
i love that!
some days i walk down the hall at work and think about how lucky i am to be a nurse. and how much i have really grown to love working at a care center. i think one day i still want to try out different specialties, but i'm so relieved and happy that i'm perfectly content with my job right now and that it is something i enjoy.