life is going to be okay.

Graduation is coming. SO soon. The other day Betsy came into our class and explained how graduation will work. She got annoyed with us talking whist she was explaining but I think she forgot to realize that most graduating seniors don't have a Betsy to explain things and find where to line up all by themselves. Bless her heart.
Salt lake nursing conference was lame. As daron said, "it was a 6 out of 10 on the pain scale." ha. But I loved hanging out with my best friends and loved making memories. Like ditching the conference to chill at a bar, shopping at barnes and noble, and going to ikea. Ha. I guess I did enjoy the booths that gave us tons of free stuff.
Friend drama. I've been experiencing much of that lately. Whether it's friends being sad, crappy, breaking up, getting back together, being mean, getting new crushes.... Whew. Sometimes I just want to hide in a hole. But luckily I love my friends. So I guess that's good. I just hope that my friends' lives will stop being SO dramatic. As I'm sure they do too.

I went to the temple the other day and it was the best experience I've had in a while. I learned a lot about myself and about deciding future plans. I'm glad I can trust in God to help me out even though I don't deserve it half of the time.
I put blue in my hair. It's awesome. The other day I was looking through pictures of myself from the last two years and I had a different hair color almost every single time. Sometimes I think it's awesome, but then other times I wonder, "what have a done to my poor hair?!?!" it'll be brown for graduation. as well as possibly sporting a different style. then the plan is to not dye it for a while. stay tuned.
I only have one more project to finish before I can start studying for the 3 tests I have and then I AM DONE. Until the next week when I have to study for the NCLEX. Then I'll take that and BE DONE! Until I have to beg for jobs. Hmmm...... life never is easy, is it?

My future is very hazy at this point. It's nerve wracking and makes me sick sometimes to think about it, but it's exciting too. I'll be okay. And the best is yet to be. As brittni said the other night as she held me in a head lock/hug in the middle of Smith's, "you're life is going to be okay."
Sometimes it's nice to be reminded.

hard to come by

A true friend is someone who:

Loves you all the time. Tells you they love you often. Keeps your secrets. Tells you their secrets. misses you when you're gone. Gets excited when you come back. Gives you hugs. Is honest. Tells you about all your good qualities. Lets you know about your bad qualities. Is on your side. Lets you know why they're not on your side sometimes. Never talks bad about you. Wont let anyone talk bad about you. Laughs with you. Is bored with you. Shares the greatest times with you. Is there when you cry. Cries with you. Understands your humor. answers your phone calls. Doesn't look down on you. Wants the best for you. Listens. Listens to your dreams. Helps you achieve them. Gives advice when you want it and sometimes when you don't. Teases you about your stupid mistakes but loves you for them. Can read your emotions. You can be stupid around. Values your opinion. you respect. You look up to. Forgives easily. never forgets your birthday. takes time for you. makes time for you.

my book on patience

You will be rewarded for your patience and understanding. I read that and smirked. I felt like it would become my motto. I also felt like there were going to be a few things that I would need to learn to understand. And it would take patience to understand those things. How could it be that the fortune in that little cookie could put in to words what I was feeling better than I could?

Months later:
Success will come with patience. I read it and had a little smirk on my face. “Yeah, I know,” I wanted to tell the cookie. I could write a book on patience.

Patience is waiting. But waiting with a purpose. Being anxiously engaged in life without being preoccupied with the desired outcome. Making goals and dreams about said outcome, but not letting it take up all of your time. Patience is letting what will come, come, and not complaining about it. It’s optimism. It’s hope. It’s having a smile on your face even when your life feels emptier than it has ever been. It’s faith that your future will be better than the present and anything that the past had to offer.

It's knowledge that you can't control everything. It's accepting that fact and then doing all you can to control at least some things.
 
It's being 24 years old in Utah and unmarried but convinced that life has never been better. Ever.
It's doing nice things for people who don't really deserve it and waiting for them to realize it.
It's being a friend to someone who isn't a friend back.
It's teaching my mom how to upload pictures onto facebook.
It's understanding that people don't always act the way you want them to but loving them anyway.
It's explaining something ten times without getting angry.
 
I may not know a lot of things but I do know a thing or two about patience. Yes, I may roll my eyes every time I hear someone say that all I need is patience and good things will happen. But deep down, in my optomistic soul, I believe it. Patience will solve all of my problems.
Because I have faith in what God has promised me for my life.
 
So here I am. Patiently waiting for my future to stop being such a mystery, for a friend to act like they are truly my friend, for my prince to come, for the snow to melt, for the semester to end, and for my happily ever after.
 
Yay patience.

city life

i LOVE the city.

i got to walk around salt lake city for a while this week. and i just loved it. i loved the busy streets, the trains that would pass by, the starting and stopping of the buses. i loved riding public transportation. i loved having to cross the street every block and waiting for the green lights. i loved the tall buildings that have a way of making me feel so small and yet so important because i'm in the city on business. i love how sounds echo off of the sides of the buildings because the sound is trapped. thunder was incredible to listen to.

most of all i love that it reminds me of Korea and the time i spend walking the streets of cities with millions and millions of people in them. i loved being involved in the busy life. i loved the people. i loved the tall tall buildings. i even loved the smell of second hand smoke after a while because it reminded me of the big cities.

so i think i could move to a big city.



(as long as i don't have to walk the streets at night. CREEPY. and as long as i don't have to go places alone. lonely and CREEPY. and as long as i don't have to drive on the streets. STRESSFUL. and as long as it's not to expensive. so...... yeah.)

p.s. i do love little cedar with it's 3 grocery stores and i love that it only takes 10 minutes to drive across the whole place and i love that i go into stores and always see someone i know. but come on, cities are awesome too.

me. right now.

i'm ACLS certified. don't know what that is? well.... stop breathing and tell your heart to stop beating. and if i have the right equipment and drugs nearby i can save your life. but really now, i'm pretty excited about it. just another step closer to getting my RN.

festival of colors was successful. i think i loved it a lot.

my nephew is A.D.O.R.A.B.L.E. i can't get enough of that kid. this weekend he was looking at my dog and laughing his head off every time she would move. it was the best.

so of course that means i'm SO super excited that my sister is having a baby boy!!! the first nephew turned out adorable. and if this new one is anything like camden, he'll be another love of my life. i'm SO excited for lauren and jon!

i spent way too long doing homework today. and i don't have much to show for it. it's getting tiring. i hate pretending to care about assignments. most of them are ridiculously time consuming and pointless. i know that i'm almost done. i've never understood the statement "so close yet so far" as much as i do now.

i passed my comprehensive predictor test. i did well. and it makes me a little bit hopeful about my future.

i finally decided what kind of nurse i want to be. i want to work on the cardiovascular floor at a hospital. i worked there during my preceptorship and i loved learning. i loved knowing the heart rhythms and medications and everything about that floor. my ACLS class solidified my interest and love for anything cardiac. so i'm crossing my fingers that this happens for me someday soon.

i'm happy with life. but i guess i'm not quite as strong as i thought i was. i still allow some things to influence what i do even though i hate it. i still let things bug me even though i'm over them. i still wonder all the time what i could do differently even though i like who i am. when i think i'm over things, something else comes up and the emotions that rise up in me make me wonder if i really am.

i want to go to the beach. it's not one of those, "ah..... that'd be nice to go to the beach" things, it's a "IF I DON'T GO TO THE BEACH IN THE NEAR FUTURE SOMEONE IS GOING TO GET CUT" thing. i'm planning this trip. i'm going to graduate, take and pass the NCLEX and then go to the beach to celebrate my genius. it will happen. IT WILL HAPPEN.

i guess that's life right now.

camping is my boyfriend

Friday morning, after showering, I get a text from house mate Brittni. "We're going to need you to get on messanger." So I pull up gmail, go online, and Britt and Chels start talking to me.
"This is an intervention."
"A spring break/weekend intervention."
It was decided pretty quickly that we needed to do something this weekend. And that something would be camping.
First off, I was so excited I could hardly contain myself. Second, I was so happy to finally be camping in southern Utah since I never have before. Third, I welcomed anything that would give me  yet another excuse to put off writing papers and studying.
Before our adventure started, I met up with Annalie and we took some pictures of each other for our graduation announcements. We kind of just aimlessly walked around campus and said, "Oh hey, take a picture of me doing ....." We're not professionals. But some of the pictures were awesome.

I came home after walking around campus and packed in an excited frenzy. I kept saying "We're going CAMPING! I'm so excited!" Because I was. SO. EXCITED. We filled the car with blankets. Literally. And headed out of town.
We made it to Red Cliffs and were saddened to see the "FULL" sign next to the campground entrance. We drove around a bit and decided to try somewhere else. Chelsey drove us down to Sand Hollow and we pulled up to the entrance and found out that it would either cost us our first born child to camp there or the other campgrounds were closed. So dang.
Chelsey did some quick thinking and called her brother. He knew of a campsite in middle of nowhere aka Hurricane, UT and led Chelsey down some roads until we got to this dirt road that looked like it went on forever.
I think technically we could have camped anywhere, but when we thought about stopping to make camp we felt like somehow we were trespassing.
We all agree that the best part of the trip was when Chelsey all of a sudden took a different road and ended up having to use her four wheel drive to get up some of the steep four-wheeler trails. OH MAN it was so much fun! Like a roller coaster in a Jeep! At one point we were laughing so hard I could hardly catch my breath. Chelsey said, "I'm not sure if it was that safe for the driver to be laughing that hard." We bounced all over the place and had fun times seven. I don't even know how to describe how awesomely exciting it was to off road in her Jeep.
We decided to get off that road and go on the main one again. The sign at the entrance of the dirt road said that there was a Dinosaur track site somewhere and we liked the thought of sleeping near where dinosaurs roamed.
So we finally decided to stop at a spot with some rocks. We felt good about the site because there were a few other campers within eyesight. Our campsite was awesome. We quickly dubbed one of the rock piles the bathroom and then got to work putting up our tent.

Whoever said you need a man when camping should be shot. We rocked that tent.

We made our bed for the night. Two cushiony layers, a sleeping bag, and 9 layers of blankets. We were NOT going to freeze to death.

We played a game in that tent and then decided to make a fire. We picked a pretty great spot for the fire. And within minutes it was a blazing success. Camping tradition dictated that we roast bratwersts over the fire. I think my favorite part of that was being able to call it a "Werst" all night.

"Hmmm.... This werst is best!"
Another favorite part is that I burned mine within the first 2 minutes of cooking it. Ah well. At least mine was cooked all the way through. Chelsey got a little surprise from the pink meat fairy. We're praying she doesn't get any pork worms in her brain. Anyone who would like to add their own prayers may do so. Thanks.
We roasted marshmallows and starbursts. It was pointed out that I'm not patient when it comes to cooking food over a fire. Who cares. I loved my burnt marshmallows and that burn I got from the starburst was worth it.

We went back into the tent after I watched Brittni and Chelsey stomp out the fire like a man. We played the rest of our game. I lost. So yeah, I was angry. Haha.

We took a bathroom trip in the full moon.
And then got underneath our blanket straight jacket and went to sleep.
In the middle of the night I woke up to the sound of coyotes howling. At first my sleepy brain thought it was really cool. But then my sleep imagination ran wild with the thought of coyotes being nearby. I first thought, "I need to remember to ask Britt and Ches if they heard the werewolves." Then I thought, "Coyotes are like werewolves, right?" Then I thought, "No, they're a different species." My brain then went through every thing I might possibly know about coyotes. In Arizona there were coyotes in the desert behind our house and they ate our cat and one of our puppies.
Then I imagined about six coyotes howling at the full moon and then running towards our campsite. They run fast. I sat there in my blankets getting scared to death. I could swear that I heard one sniff outside of our tent, and I thought for sure that they were going to attack. But then I reminded my brain how silly I was and imagined the coyotes far away, snacking on puppies in the full moon light.

I woke up and Britt and Chels were awake too. I told them the story of the werewolves. Oh, we laughed.
It was windy. So we packed up, ate muffins in the car, and then went to see the dinosaur tracks.

We were all "t-rexing" above one of the foot prints.

Our next adventure was a little bit more of the off-roading. Yeah! It was a lot of fun bouncing around. But then one of the hills bounced the car around a little TOO much and afterwards Chelsey's car was making some strange noise. We figured out that it made the sound only when she turned left. We ventured down to St. George and after a little shopping we stopped at the dealer and she got her car looked at. They popped a peice in place and viola! Fixed.
Our last adventure was heading home. Chelsey forgot to get gas, and we knew we couldn't make it to Cedar. So we got off and headed to Toquerville.

The end.

Oh. Another favorite part was our soundtrack. Brittni made a cool playlist for us to listen to with such favorites as:
Music is my boyfriend,
Set fire to the rain,
and other favorites from Lykke Li and other awesome girls.

Just a little note.

Just a little note

My hair is blonde. I thought that's what i wanted but I'm having second thoughts. And third. And fourth thoughts.

It's spring break (Whoo!) and I stayed in Cedar for the first time. It's been nice so far besides the long long list of homework that I need to do that constantly haunts me in the back of my mind. But I'm happy I stayed. I sort of wish I was there to help best friend while he's in a sad place, but I'm happy I stayed nonetheless.

Adele's voice is life changing. Brittni showed me her music the other day. I'm pretty sure I'll be purchasing her albums and blasting them all week in my house so I can practice singing beautifully like her.

Happy birthday to Cyann, one of the best friends in the world. I'm really blessed in the friendship department. I'm pretty sure God sent me the best. I don't know how I deserve it, but hey, I'll take it.

I'm so excited for my sister to have a baby. So excited. Mainly because nephew #1 turned out to be the cutest little guy and instant love of my life. I can't wait to have another nephew/niece.

I like telling people stories about my siblings. And then I realize how cool they all are. I'm lucky that my siblings are the wittiest, funniest people alive. We win.

Lately when people ask me about my plans for after school I blow up in an angry rage and usually end up yelling something like, "it's not as easy as you think!" That magical nursing "shortage" was years ago, people. It's not an easy ticket to getting a job. I can't just pick where I want and live happily ever after. And also, I'm praying about what to do next and I still don't have the answers. But I feel a move away from Cedar is inevitable no matter how much I love it here. *sigh*

I wouldn't mind being able to see into the future.

I sat out in the sun on Sunday and Tuesday. Thus beginning my yearly ritual of tempting the fates and seeing how dark my skin can get before my mom freaks out about skin cancer.

I made three pies on Monday for pi day. I'm a domestic goddess. And so I should automatically get a husband for that.

I like teaching gospel doctrine at church a whole lot. My favorite part is over preparing and trying to be an expert on all of the bible stories only to realize that when I actually do teach I never get hard questions or get enough time to teach everything I prepared. Last Sunday I did go five minutes over time but i taught everything I prepared. It was great. Second favorite part is that best friend teaches the same weeks I do so we share ideas.

I'm hating school. My classes are pointless and I feel like I'm getting stupider as the days go because I'm not learning much that relates to nursing. Learning about leadership won't help me remember that the therapeutic level of digoxin in the body is 0.5-2.0ng/dl. (I missed that on a test today...)

All in all I've been really really happy lately. Since I came back from Christmas break I can only remember having 3 days where I wasn't happy. Only 3. Record? Probably. I'm just grateful for the people in my life, for where I'm at, and for where I'm going.

Plus it's hard not to be happy when its Spring break! Whoo!!