i still love my job. okay... some days i don't. like when i have someone tell me that i'm getting 4 admits. and even worse, i found out, was the day after having 4 admits. fixing orders, trying to explain things to families, calling doctors, and trying to have a smile while doing it.
but then there are these moments that make everything worth it.
like when i walk into a patient's room and she smiles from ear to ear, takes my hand, and starts tearing up as she says, "I'm SO glad you're my nurse today. I just love it when you're here. You are a perfect nurse. I just love you."
true story. :)
plus, there is this adorable old man who likes to follow me around all day because he doesn't really know what else to do or what's going on. his dementia makes things really entertaining for us both. like how he asks the same question to me 7 times in one hour.
whenever i have to walk away from the nurses stations he gets a little anxious and asks, "where are you going?" and i tell him i'll be right back. when i come back he says, "i thought you'd abandoned me!" and i reassure him.
but i surprised myself the other day when i walked back to the nurses station and he was gone. i found myself looking around for him, and when he walked up i said, "i thought you'd abandoned me!"
he's so fun. and he told me i'm his favorite nurse. he said, "you're a special one. you're a dandy."
i love that!
some days i walk down the hall at work and think about how lucky i am to be a nurse. and how much i have really grown to love working at a care center. i think one day i still want to try out different specialties, but i'm so relieved and happy that i'm perfectly content with my job right now and that it is something i enjoy.
Monday, December 5, 2011
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
Friday, November 11, 2011
a moment
yesterday one of my patients passed away.
since working, i've had only 4 people i've taken care of pass away.
but this one was the first one that happened on my shift.
i'm not depressed or anything. i just feel like this is a moment i'll remember forever.
she was the sweetest little lady. so cute. so happy. she was confused most of the time. and i admit that half of the fun of taking care of her was hearing all the funny things she would say.
they had a little spot light on her the month before in the care center news letter. i don't remember everything, except that her husband asked her to marry him on their first date and she was an amazing cook. i tried to remember those things about her when i took care of her.
yesterday she took a turn for the worse. they moved her into a private room so her family could be by her side. she wasn't doing well. i was relieved when her son showed up at 3. i knew she didn't have long.
then, around four, one of my aides came up to me and told me that her son thought she stopped breathing.
i went into the room and instantly knew. she was gone. i had to do something nurse-y. so i got down beside her bed and tried to feel for a pulse. nothing.
i said in an almost whisper, "i can't find a pulse." and her son fell apart. he grabbed my hand and held it tightly as he cried. i teared up. i'm the type of person that does that. i empathize a little too much sometimes.
he let go of my hand and thanked me for taking care of her.
it was hard to leave the room and go on about my job like nothing was going on in that room. someone's life just changed forever. and yet i had a patient bugging me to give him his pills. wow.
i've just been thinking about this a bit. like i said, i'm okay; not depressed. and i think i handled it all very well. i think i'll remember her for the rest of my life. what a moment.
i love nursing.
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
music
i've been thinking a lot about music lately.
maybe it's because i got to spend 5 days with brittni in the last two weeks. (!) and maybe it's because her boyfriend and her together make up this awesome music encyclopedia.
and also, its because i listened to my brother's podcast. the episode "defining moments" talks about a theory relating to music that garit has. he thinks that the music you listen to at certain ages (between 4-10? something like that) shapes the kinds of music you will like for the rest of your life.
and although i know that tastes in music can change, the more i think about it, the more i believe it.
i was sitting with brittni and adam this weekend hearing them name off their top 5 favorite bands and talking about albums and concerts and things, and i was just LOST. i hardly knew what they were talking about. or if i had heard of the bands, i wouldn't have been able to name one song that they played.
since when did i become so out of the loop when it came to music? before my mission, music was my obsession. seriously. i always listened to music. always checked out new bands. always bought and downloaded songs and albums. dan and i would talk about our favorites and spend hours listening to things.
then i couldn't listen to music for two years.
and.............. here i am. still lost in this big world of music. begging for someone to tell me what to listen to.
OR! maybe i'm just in to different types of music. thinking about that music theory all week, i've figured out a few things from my childhood that shaped my music love. here were my favorite songs as a child. among others, i'm sure.
celine dion- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WZNOUrB2aUY
depeche mode- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aBKykEr1UcE
boys to men- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9N9opF-PK5k&ob=av2e
gloria estefan- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=et9C32GMJQ4&ob=av2e
i think this sums up my musical love all in one.
a lot of it comes from my dad, my older brothers, and my mom.
anyway. just something to think about.
Thursday, October 27, 2011
i like things.
i had a lot of fun at work yesterday. which is so good. guess what, everyone? i like my job. a month or so ago i would have only been able to say, "i don't HATE it." but now i like it. and yesterday i really liked it. it was a slow day. like, i had to think of things to do for a couple hours because nothing was happening. it was great. i got to talk to patients, check on them more often, assess like i learned in school, and just feel like a nurse. some days i just feel like a drug dealer. and some of my co-workers are so funny and awesome! and it helps that the CNAs keep telling me that i'm one of their favorite nurses to work with. life is good in that department for now. i'm happy i like it.
my visiting teachers are incredible. they're my first set that has actually visited me, so they earn points there. but they go beyond that. they text me all the time, seek me out at church to talk to me and ask me how i am, listen to and remember everything i tell them, visit randomly just because, and bring me cupcakes. on sunday, after one of my friends had to leave church, one of my visiting teachers switched rows to sit by me so i wasn't alone. it was so nice of her. makes me feel super loved. and on tuesday, they brought me dinner. and not just any dinner, cafe rio's pork salad. yeah. they're that amazing. i just love them.
my nephews are the cutest kids around. camden is goofy and funny. kent is adorable and squirmy. and i get to have a new nephew or niece come april! yay yay yay! plus, cyann found out she's having a girl. so in february i get a new sort of niece, like lily. i'm so excited! little children are the best.
i've been having so many dreams about korea lately. it's good and bad. good, because i still feel connected to it and like it was real. bad, because part of me thinks i'll never get to go back there. or if i do, it will just be a sad disappointing trip, realizing that things are not the same. i'm seriously trying to save money to go to korea next year in the fall. i really really want to. and some days the thought of saving money for that trip is what i need to wake up in the morning and go to work. but then i remember about paying off student loans and how chester (my car) is not going to live forever and that i need to get a phone plan soon. and money seems like it doesn't grow on trees anymore. sometimes i think life was easier when i was super poor and didn't even think about spending money.
i think i'm a good friend. not to toot my own horn, or anything, but i think i've been handling some things pretty well lately. and although sometimes i'm forgetful and don't keep in touch with everyone i want to keep in touch with, just know that i think about you all ALL the time and i pray for my friends.
i get to go to cedar tomorrow. for about 24 hours. then come back to work for 4 days. then go to cedar again for a longer trip. i miss cedar SO MUCH! i always knew that i wouldn't be able to live there forever but sometimes, especially now because it's fall, i miss campus SO much. i miss walking through the leaves. i miss buying hot chocolate in the sharwan smith center with cy and annalie. i miss the weird parades and things that cedar does almost every weekend. and i miss how small and quiet it can be down there. but i get to visit soon. and i'm so excited.
provo is beautiful though. i hate to admit it, because i seriously thought it would be the last thing i would EVER think, but i like it here. i like the pretty trees, the closeness of the mountains, the nearness of my family, my ward, the new friends i'm making, having more than 3 grocery stores to choose from. it's nice.
the good news, though, is that i definitely do not run the risk of catching provo face anymore. i'm almost 25. and that's almost being a menace. provo face is more of an 18-21 year old thing. so i dodged that bullet. too bad for my sister though... caught it and never could quite shake it. :)
eh. life is good.
my visiting teachers are incredible. they're my first set that has actually visited me, so they earn points there. but they go beyond that. they text me all the time, seek me out at church to talk to me and ask me how i am, listen to and remember everything i tell them, visit randomly just because, and bring me cupcakes. on sunday, after one of my friends had to leave church, one of my visiting teachers switched rows to sit by me so i wasn't alone. it was so nice of her. makes me feel super loved. and on tuesday, they brought me dinner. and not just any dinner, cafe rio's pork salad. yeah. they're that amazing. i just love them.
my nephews are the cutest kids around. camden is goofy and funny. kent is adorable and squirmy. and i get to have a new nephew or niece come april! yay yay yay! plus, cyann found out she's having a girl. so in february i get a new sort of niece, like lily. i'm so excited! little children are the best.
i've been having so many dreams about korea lately. it's good and bad. good, because i still feel connected to it and like it was real. bad, because part of me thinks i'll never get to go back there. or if i do, it will just be a sad disappointing trip, realizing that things are not the same. i'm seriously trying to save money to go to korea next year in the fall. i really really want to. and some days the thought of saving money for that trip is what i need to wake up in the morning and go to work. but then i remember about paying off student loans and how chester (my car) is not going to live forever and that i need to get a phone plan soon. and money seems like it doesn't grow on trees anymore. sometimes i think life was easier when i was super poor and didn't even think about spending money.
i think i'm a good friend. not to toot my own horn, or anything, but i think i've been handling some things pretty well lately. and although sometimes i'm forgetful and don't keep in touch with everyone i want to keep in touch with, just know that i think about you all ALL the time and i pray for my friends.
i get to go to cedar tomorrow. for about 24 hours. then come back to work for 4 days. then go to cedar again for a longer trip. i miss cedar SO MUCH! i always knew that i wouldn't be able to live there forever but sometimes, especially now because it's fall, i miss campus SO much. i miss walking through the leaves. i miss buying hot chocolate in the sharwan smith center with cy and annalie. i miss the weird parades and things that cedar does almost every weekend. and i miss how small and quiet it can be down there. but i get to visit soon. and i'm so excited.
provo is beautiful though. i hate to admit it, because i seriously thought it would be the last thing i would EVER think, but i like it here. i like the pretty trees, the closeness of the mountains, the nearness of my family, my ward, the new friends i'm making, having more than 3 grocery stores to choose from. it's nice.
the good news, though, is that i definitely do not run the risk of catching provo face anymore. i'm almost 25. and that's almost being a menace. provo face is more of an 18-21 year old thing. so i dodged that bullet. too bad for my sister though... caught it and never could quite shake it. :)
eh. life is good.
Monday, October 10, 2011
korea
i've been back from korea now for about 2 and a half years. wow. some days i can't believe it; it feels like just yesterday i was there. other days it feels like it was all a dream and sometimes i forget that i can speak this obscure language.
it's more rare now than it used to be, but this week someone i hadn't seen in a while said, "i don't think i ever asked you, but how was your mission?"
and i feel like i get this sparkle in my eyes when i answer, "it was the best. amazing."
what did i do in south korea for 18 months? i completely changed. i learned about a different side of the world, a different history, a different people, way of life, and culture. i learned a different language, a different set of grammar rules, a different set of manners and respect. i learned of religions, of different points of view, of tolerance, and how to love absolutely every type of person. i learned to live with people i liked, live with people i didn't like as much, and take care of money and things. i learned to not be offended, to be open minded, and to be kind. i learned about patience, how real homesickness can be, how important family is, and how not important some things in my life were. i learned to live without calling home, without the internet, without friends, without music, without movies, and entertainment. and i learned all of that while preaching the gospel of Jesus Christ.
above all, i learned who Christ was, who He was to the world, and who He is to me personally. i learned that He lives. He loves every single person who lives and has ever lived and will ever live with a perfect love. He died for us, lived for us, and gave us the way back to him. He taught by example and words and deeds how we should live our lives. i learned about repentance. it truly can turn the darkest soul into the lightest of souls. about forgiveness and charity and love. i learned about how much God loves us. about His plan for us and how he is there for us. God truly listened to all of my prayers, even the sloppy ones in korean that hardly conveyed what i felt. He hears my prayers now, as a 24 year old working here in Provo. He loves families. i truly learned that families can be together forever. Eternity. A never ending unit. i learned about my importance as a woman on this earth, about my role, and how i play a part in his plan.
and i learned all of this on those streets in korea. going door to door, person to person, teaching them about the truths that i know. i was rejected, spit upon, pushed, sworn at, yelled at, laughed at, persecuted, reviled. but i was also loved, hugged, appreciated, thanked, received tears of joy, smiles, and friendship.
i cannot even imagine my life without the experience i had as a missionary for my church. i change in SO many ways. i can't imagine a life without my mission. and sometimes i look at people who reject the opportunity to go and serve and it hurts my heart. i'm sure they can learn these things another way. but to me, it would be the hard way.
some people think our church is evil. that we are not Christians. that we don't believe in Christ. that we're a cult. there is nothing that makes me more sad. I love Jesus Christ with all that I have. I owe him all that I am. our church is only good. it teaches us to love everyone, to trust in God and Christ, to listen to the Holy Ghost, to pray, to believe in truth, to repent, to forgive, to not drink, smoke, have sex before marriage, and to marry someone for eternity and raise a family. there is nothing evil in that.
i think about korea every day. and to me, korea is all of those things that i learned.
it's more rare now than it used to be, but this week someone i hadn't seen in a while said, "i don't think i ever asked you, but how was your mission?"
and i feel like i get this sparkle in my eyes when i answer, "it was the best. amazing."
what did i do in south korea for 18 months? i completely changed. i learned about a different side of the world, a different history, a different people, way of life, and culture. i learned a different language, a different set of grammar rules, a different set of manners and respect. i learned of religions, of different points of view, of tolerance, and how to love absolutely every type of person. i learned to live with people i liked, live with people i didn't like as much, and take care of money and things. i learned to not be offended, to be open minded, and to be kind. i learned about patience, how real homesickness can be, how important family is, and how not important some things in my life were. i learned to live without calling home, without the internet, without friends, without music, without movies, and entertainment. and i learned all of that while preaching the gospel of Jesus Christ.
above all, i learned who Christ was, who He was to the world, and who He is to me personally. i learned that He lives. He loves every single person who lives and has ever lived and will ever live with a perfect love. He died for us, lived for us, and gave us the way back to him. He taught by example and words and deeds how we should live our lives. i learned about repentance. it truly can turn the darkest soul into the lightest of souls. about forgiveness and charity and love. i learned about how much God loves us. about His plan for us and how he is there for us. God truly listened to all of my prayers, even the sloppy ones in korean that hardly conveyed what i felt. He hears my prayers now, as a 24 year old working here in Provo. He loves families. i truly learned that families can be together forever. Eternity. A never ending unit. i learned about my importance as a woman on this earth, about my role, and how i play a part in his plan.
and i learned all of this on those streets in korea. going door to door, person to person, teaching them about the truths that i know. i was rejected, spit upon, pushed, sworn at, yelled at, laughed at, persecuted, reviled. but i was also loved, hugged, appreciated, thanked, received tears of joy, smiles, and friendship.
i cannot even imagine my life without the experience i had as a missionary for my church. i change in SO many ways. i can't imagine a life without my mission. and sometimes i look at people who reject the opportunity to go and serve and it hurts my heart. i'm sure they can learn these things another way. but to me, it would be the hard way.
some people think our church is evil. that we are not Christians. that we don't believe in Christ. that we're a cult. there is nothing that makes me more sad. I love Jesus Christ with all that I have. I owe him all that I am. our church is only good. it teaches us to love everyone, to trust in God and Christ, to listen to the Holy Ghost, to pray, to believe in truth, to repent, to forgive, to not drink, smoke, have sex before marriage, and to marry someone for eternity and raise a family. there is nothing evil in that.
i think about korea every day. and to me, korea is all of those things that i learned.
Thursday, October 6, 2011
monday
on monday, i didn't have to work after working around 51 hours the week before.
so after sleeping in, taking a nap, and lying there, i got online.
and i started looking at pictures that reminded me of how much i love fall.
for me, summer is my favorite. then winter. and spring and fall are tied.
so, i got to thinking how much i love wearing fall clothes, and being out side in the fall.
so i got ready, grabbed a book, and drove up the canyon.
I stopped at a park that I went to this summer. It was so beautiful. And there was hardly a soul there. I wanted to sit close to the river, but there were a few painters nearby with their easels set up. I didn't want to be in their paintings. (That was really cool. When I got up there, their canvases were empty. When I left, they had a magnificent fall scene.)
Yeah, I took pictures of myself. Maybe around 20. I deleted most. And kept this one. My hair rocked that day.
Pretty.
I took a "panoramic" picture with my camera. I messed up a bit on the left, but it captures the park.
I sat there, reading the book "Heidi" for about 4 hours. It was AMAZING. I would love to do that everyday. (I would have done it today again, but it was SNOWING. crazy.) It started to rain a little bit as I was leaving. PERFECT. I love rain.
And, at one point, a LARGE weird looking thing was on my blanket. I might have freaked out a bit. Then i took a bad picture of it.
On another note, the book "Heidi" is really cute. I grew up watching the movie with my mom and sister all the time. We loved watching it. Recently, my sister and I found it on netflix and re-watched it all. CLASSIC.
The book was different, as books are. It was cute and sweet and full of great lines.
I think the things I got out of it were the cheesy religious things that she would say. Clara's grandmamma taught Heidi about prayer. And so she prayed to God because she couldn't tell anyone else her problems. After a while when she still didn't get what she wanted, she stopped praying. And grandmamma taught her that you can't stop praying. God has his own time table; He'll give us what we need when we need it. She wanted to move back home, but didn't for a while. She later realized that if she got what she wanted when she wanted it, she would have never learned to read or been good friends with Clara, both things that blessed her and others immensely in her life.
She went on to teach and remind other people in her life about prayer. How you have to pray to God and tell him everything, that he'll listen, and give you what you need when you need it. And be grateful.
What a beautiful Monday.
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