Happy

I haven't blogged in a while.  Does anyone ever read this anyway? I have been having the best summer ever.  Yellowstone in May. You know that rocked. I went to visit Brittni and Adam in Cedar City. I missed that girl so much! And it had been too long. So long, in fact, that I forgot how awesome Adam is too. I just love those two. We went to a lake, got super sun burned, St. George, and then up the canyon in Cedar, crawled through mammoth cave, and played. I met their dog, Zim. And we lit sparklers in a parking lot on campus. I miss that city so much. I drove around campus right before I drove home just to remember the awesome years I spent there. It was a great weekend. Ryan came home from his mission!! I love that he's home. He's lots of fun and likes to constantly be doing things and make goals. Ha. It's only been like 3 weeks and he already has a job! It's fun. I've been living in April Ramsay's beautiful house. I get kicked out this week, but it's been the best! I love waking up in the morning and going to my mom's house to play all day because I only live 3 blocks away. It's been the best.  Annalie and I decided to be roommates. We've been super best friends for 3 years now and finally decided we could live together and not kill each other! Ha. We looked at a few places and found an amazing place in West Jordan. We move in in August! I'm so excited for the change of places and wards and a new start again. Work has been a roller coaster. The month of May was terrible and stressful beyond anything. But things calmed down in June and we hired 5 new nurses. I was fortunate to train 4 of them on our Rehab hall, all of whom are amazing nurses and so nice. We're lucky to have a really great team of people. I'm loving work most days. I work with some awesome CNA's that make time go faster and shifts more fun. I know it took me a while to warm up to everything, but I'm happy now. I was named employee of the month this week! I was shocked and honored! I really didn't have any idea that was going to happen, but I makes me happy knowing that my co-workers nominated me and they appreciate me.  Unfortunately and fourtunately (still undecided), I am going to look for new jobs closer to West Jordan. Hopefully at the University of Utah if I can. Annalie speaks so highly of it, I feel like it would be fun. For now I'm going to stay at my job until I figure out my future a bit more. Or until the 40 minute commute gets to me, come August. But I'm happy for now. For everything. For the prospect of change and for a great job in the mean time. I'm going to California in a week for a family reunion. I'm excited to go to the beach! And to play with my family!! We never go on family vacations anymore, so I'm really looking forward to it.  Besides all that, I work and play. I go swimming, play with my nephews and neice, chill with my sister, and find fun things to do. Like the aquarium, or the rodeo, or City Creek, or play at the park.  So that's life lately. It's happy. Boy oh boy, do I LOVE summer! I live for the summer!! I tell you what! 

Yellowstone

I was able to finally get more than two days off in a row.
I actually managed to get four off! So Annalie and I went on an adventure to Yellowstone.
I admit I was most excited to just drive my car and find out how the gas mileage did on just highway. (32 mpgs.) in Yellowstone, just going 45 and using cruise control I got 39 mpg! Rock on!
Anyway....
I picked Annalie up from her house after she had worked the night shift for 12 hours. I was so proud. She lasted until about 2pm and even then only slept for an hour and was recharged for the day. The drive was great. It seriously felt like it was just a nice afternoon drive and we made it up there by 3. We started exploring Yellowstone right off and went to a few geyser spots and then saw old faithful.
The best part of old faithful was the visitor's center. We went around and we bored until we found the kid's section. We learned a lot from this little diseased looking girl. The next best part was watching all the people wait for old faithful to erupt. Chinese people taking pictures, people asking dumb questions. And this one guy with a disposable camera that kept taking the crappiest pictures of the geyser. Entertainment at its finest!

That first night we went back to West Yellowstone and ate at a restaurant where we both ordered Bison to eat. We were so sick of the bison crossing the road and causing too many tourists to be idiots, we thought it would be great to eat one to show them who was boss. Delish!
We slept in a hotel that night. I slept great, Annalie was up at 2 and never fell back asleep.
We paced up in the morning and headed up to mammoth to reserve a campsite for the night. Lots of bison crossings later we made it and found a nice spot and put up our tent. We then decided to go on some hikes. One hike we went on had some crazy warning signs about bears that kind of freaked us out. We hiked in a little bit then got too freaked out and turned around. Haha.
We then drove around to the geysers again, ate lunch at a pretty riverside place, and continued on the "loop." Annalie fell asleep almost instantly every time we were in the car. Haha. But I woke her up when we got to cool places. Like West thumb, where we saw a bear! And Yellowstone lake. And then stopped at the mud volcano and did that little hike. Tired and worn out, we drove back to our campsite and made dinner.
We went to sleep fearing bears. I brought this book called "death in Yellowstone" about how people have died there. The chapter on bear attacks was terrifying. I thought it would be fun to read in the tent for scary stories but no! I was too scared. I didnt sleep much that night.
We ate, packed up, and started on our way up to Tower. I think this part was my favorite part of Yellowstone. Gorgeous. And hardly any people. We saw this beautiful waterfall. I kept asking Annalie what she would do if I fell of of the cliff. Basically she would leave me to die.
We did a couple more hikes. One to the "lost lake" that was so quiet and pretty. Again, scared of bears we returned right afterwards. And one to a waterfall. Then we went back on our way to see the grand canyon of Yellowstone. That was pretty and wow, I didn't pretend to fall off that cliff. Crazy.


We drove down to the Teton National park. We decided to camp there for the night. I'm so glad we did. It was breath taking. So gorgeous. And I was so happy to get out of the car and stop driving for the day. We set up camp and went down to the lake side and had some good talks about how amazing nature is and God is to create it all and how we are so glad to understand that and our place in the world. Deep conversations.
We ate a ton of food and then cleaned up in a hurry before it started pouring rain. That made me less scared of bears, luckily enough. We spent the evening in our tent, texting Cyann and reading about more deaths by lightning and falling off of cliffs. Annalie made a bracelet. And we fell asleep.
The next day we explored the Teton park a little bit more and stopped in Jackson Hole for lunch before setting out for our drive in the middle of nowhere Wyoming back home. It was a boring drive. But Annalie got some good sleep in and I jammed out to my iPod tunes.
We made it home. I was so tired.
It was a great trip. I miss it up there already. It was just a great trip to remember all the beauty in the world and that there is a world outside of work.
Can't wait to go back again!

Happy Nurse's Week

Got a call from a doctor. He starts chewing me out because his patient wasnt at his appointment this morning. I said I'm sorry but I don't arrange transport or handle the appointments. He goes off about how this appointment was important and not only that, but that he wrote it and it was a direct order from a doctor. I find myself apologizing to him again when in all reality he should apologize to me and to our transport lady who he reduced to tears. What a jerk.

Mrs. Pill popper has fallen again. 5th time in 3 weeks. She won't call for help when she gets up because it's embarrassing. I have to go console her while she's crying on the floor and make sure she's okay but also get mad at her for not being safe.

Mr. Creepy smells. But won't take a shower. We've talked to him multiple times and he just won't budge. We give up. So later when I come into his room to give him something, he yells at me for my staff treating him terribly and lets out a string of swear words to get his point across. I just have to stand there and take it.

Ms. Hypochondriac wants me to call the doctor RIGHT now for some new problem. But I know the doctor hates her and won't see her. Instead, she calls his office and yells at a nurse. 5 minutes later I get a phone call from said doctor demanding to know why she's so mad and why she called his office. Joy.

Miss Princess calls me into her room. I ask what I can help her with and she begins to tell me how inconsiderate I am for forgetting to put her sock on after I changed her bandages on her leg. I apologize but she rips me a new one for forgetting and being so terrible to her.

Ms. Talker tells me she wants pain pills right in the middle of a million other things I have to do. An hour later my CNA tells me that she is threatening to call 911 because she hasn't gotten them yet. So I drop everything to please her and have to put up with her telling me how I'm not doing my job right.

Mrs. Confused is confused again and doesn't know where she is or where her husband is. I have to break the news to her that her husband died several years ago and she just can't remember it.

I get a phone call from the hospital. "Hey, this is so and so RN from the hospital here to give you report on Ms. New lady." I put her on hold for a second and ask my manager, "am I getting an admit?" "oh yeah. No one told you??" Nope. Last to know.

Miss Tiny lady's blood pressure is super low. I run in to check on her. She's just fine. As I'm leaving the room she says, "thanks for checking on me. It means a lot." she grabs my hand and says, "Can I have a hug? I'm so lonely." I give her a hug and talk with her for five minutes. She tells me how much that helped her.

Mr Cancer returns from his check up appointment. He feels like crap from all the chemo and radiation he had to go through the past three months. I walk into his room so see how he is doing and instead he reaches out to hug me. He cries on my shoulder and then says, "They got it. My cancer is all gone! I get to go home in two weeks!" This time I give him a hug. We cry together for a few great moments.

Some days I wonder why it's even worth it. Without fail something amazing happens that reaffirms why I would ever put up with all this stress.

Happy nurse's week to all my fellow nurses. We amaze me.

Thoughts I had today while at work.

I can't wait to be sunburned. Really. I love it. The burning, the heat, the way you can hardly move because your skin might just rip. I love it. I can't wait.

Fad dieters seem so unintelligent to me. I don't applaud you. Get a brain. I hate when people congratulate you when you only eat 700 calories a day and go around bragging about it. You're going to get sick of it after a week and binge. So just stop. Idiot.

Why has nobody made a Sitcom about a nursing home?! It would be HILARIOUS and intense and awesome. I could come up with seven story lines a day.

If I could do anything right now it would be to be boating. In my swim suit, Getting burned, wet, swimming in a lake.

I should figure out life. Where I should live, where I should work, who I should live with. That would be good.

I don't see any of my friends enough.

I don't mind the smell of second hand smoke. It reminds me of Korea and big cities and I just like that.

Summer is my all time favorite. I can't wait for it!

My trip!

I took some time off work and went to New Mexico to have a best friend reunion and to meet a new little baby! It was lots of fun.

She's such a focused driver.

Annalie and I drove down together in a nice car that we rented. We didn't want to risk dying by taking our cars.

I'm so glad my phone takes amazing pictures. This wasn't even edited. Such a pretty sky. We drove down the backside of Utah. Really pretty sometimes, really boring some other times.

We stopped at the Monticello temple to walk around it. Now Annalie's been to every temple in Utah.

Pretty Windows.

We drove through Colorado. For about an hour.

An awesome picture taken by Annalie in Shiprock, NM. Random bridge. We had a good car ride down.

I was SO excited to see Lily again! I miss that girl. She's so cute. And energetic. She forgot my name a couple times, but I'll forgive her. I can't believe she's five now!

This is the little tiny Chloe. She is just perfect! New baby smell, tiny fingers, cute little feet, goes cross eyed, hardly makes a peep unless she's hungry. Just perfect.

I think Lily likes having a baby around. It might take a while to get used to it. I tried to explain what being an older sister means. It means you can tell her what to do.

She's so precious! I could have held her all day long.

 Cy, Chloe, and Lily. Words can't express how glad I was to see Cy. I MISS HER SO MUCH. It just felt so NORMAL to be at her house again. I can't explain it. Sometimes you just get lucky enough to have friends that, no matter how long you've been apart from each other, you can pick up right where you left off and not feel any different. That's how it was. Just so normal. Except now she had a different house and a little baby. But it was just so normal. I love her.

 Justin and Cyann being awesome parents. They really are great. And just hilarious. I forgot how hilarious Justin is sometimes. Cyann and I also rediscovered how fun it is to gang up on Annalie and tease her. (Sorry Annalie!)

 Lily took a couple naps on me. :)

Annalie didn't eat more than ten in the first sitting.

 Cy's cookies!! So good.

 Annalie and the little baby. She probably didn't know that I took this picture. Good thing she always looks amazing.

 Chloe even got a new name while we were down there. It sounds so sophisticated. Cha-lo-eh Ann-ah-bel-ah Ss-ha. We had a fun week. We watched tv, played with the little ones, took a tour of Gallup, learned about the Navajo nation, talked a lot about our nursing jobs, met Cy's new friends, had a private showing of "The Vow" at the local movie theater (Lily doesn't call it a futer anymore.... growing up *sniff*), bought Navajo jewelry, made great food, played games (I won!!), and just had a ton of fun just talking.
We had to leave on Monday morning because I had to go back to work on Tuesday. Stupid work.

His thumb is out and everything!

 On the way down we saw 11 hitch hikers. On the way up we saw 13!! I took some creepy stalker photos of these two.

Arizona

 We decided to stop at the four corners on the way home. I liked to snap photos of the state signs.

Colorado

New Mexico

Annalie felt a sort of zen being in four places at once.

 The four corners was awesome!! Good thing we were basically the only people there. We were (I was) running around like a crazy lunatic, so excited to be in four states at once! I even ran from Utah to Arizona to New Mexico then to Colorado and back four times in a row! Beat that, Dad!!

Going Korean for this one.

 We found some cheaper and pretty jewelry to buy at the four corners. Annalie bought some pretty earrings.

 These arrowheads are what I would have bought my family as souvenirs if I felt like they would like them or wear them. So, just look at the pictures instead and pretend that I bought them for you.

Utah

 It was snowy in Utah when we got back to our neck of the woods.

You can't tell, but we hit 13,000 miles in the car. Yay us!
Such a fun trip. I hope I can go back to visit soon! I already miss them all so so much!
Thank Cyann and Justin for letting us crash at your house and play! You guys are the best! Love you!

glimpse

Yesterday I started talking to one of my patients.

He’s LDS and our past conversations led him to understand that I was LDS as well. I tend not to give a lot of personal information about myself to my patients. You never know, you know? But he learned this and we had a connection.

He had a rough day. But I’ll be darned if he didn’t smile genuinely every time I walked into the room.

We were talking when I gave him his pills just before dinner. I had only 45 more minutes of working and I just wanted to go home. I wanted to leave the room quickly and just get things done. But I knew that I was his favorite nurse and so I stayed in the room to talk to him.

He told me how much he appreciated me. And explained how I light up the room when I walk in.

I don’t know how to respond to such amazing compliments as that. So I just deflected and told him how much I appreciated his words and his positive attitude. It really is a pleasure to have patients like him.

He stated, “I’m just trying to live how the Savior taught and would have us live.”

He said "us." It didn't mean "members of the church." It meant him and me.

I got caught off guard. He put me in a category with himself. I thought about how strong he must be. To go through all that he’s gone through: Divorce, remarrying, putting his wife in a nursing home, moving all over the country, living with diseases, and having a 5 bypass surgery. And yet every other thing he says glorifies God and all of his blessings. And he put me in a category with himself.

I’ve been in a place lately where I feel like I’m not doing anything right. And it was as if he opened up the spiritual door that I have closed when he verbalized his motto in life. When he invited the Savior and his teachings into our conversation.

Again, he said that I have a light and a spirit about me. He said righteous people light the world from inside out. He said he could see that in me and in the way I treat everyone.

Part of me wanted to stop him and tell him how I haven’t been to church in a few weeks, how I hate my ward, how sometimes I swear, watch rated R movies, think bad about Provo Mormons, wish I didn’t have to go to church,  how I don’t read my scriptures often enough, don’t write in my journal, how I don’t pray enough, I’m ungrateful, my temple recommend is expired, I don’t even want to go to the temple some days, and how terrible of a person I feel like all the time.

But I listened. And wow. He took all my words away. I couldn’t even reply to all the wonderful things he was saying about me.

I forgot about all the good things about me. But for those five minutes that I stayed in his room I got a glimpse again.

fire

I guess it has been a while.
Sometimes I think about things to blog about. But then I never do it. Or then I think about the topic and think, "that's too depressing," or, "that's too happy," or, "who cares about that?"
I don't want to come across as anything less or more than what I am. I'm not depressed, I'm not super happy, and sometimes I think about things that probably don't matter. But that's me. So I can be allowed to write about whatever I want to.
Some things I've started to write about but never finished:

1. One of my favorite scripture stories is in 1 Nephi chapter 17 in the Book of Mormon. God leads Nephi's family into the middle of nowhere and has them do a bunch of things that they would never even dream of doing before or being able to do. Like in this chapter, God tells Nephi to build a boat so his family can go across the ocean to South America.
Seems pretty crazy. And I'm sure Nephi thought so too. God shows him how to build it, where to get the stuff for the tools and materials. And then Nephi has to start. He had everything he needs because God has been providing except for one little thing. FIRE. He doesn't have fire!! He never needed it! God was his light in the darkness, his warmth, made his meat sweet so they didn't have to cook.... So He explaining that for 5 verses, and Nephi says, "I rubbed two rocks together." He made fire. And I'm sure it was a pretty difficult task for him, considering that he spent 5 verses talking about it. He wouldn't have mentioned it if it were easy to come by.
Sometimes I feel like that. I feel like I can easily make really BIG changes in my life because God gives me very specific answers. Move here, work here, study this, go here, meet this person, don't do that. I can handle the really big changes pretty well because I have faith that God knows way better than me.
But then sometimes he leaves me up to my own devices, and I'm halfway through something that He led me to and I realize that I don't have something simple, like fire. I never needed it.
I'm missing fire in my life right now. I've got everything else except the fire. I guess it's time to rub two rocks together.

2. Sometimes people suck. Or they make you feel like you suck.
I'm one of the coolest people I know. Some days it is really apparent to me why I'm so awesome. But some days I have to remind myself why I am. And you know what? The people I tend to associate with lately make me rethink why I'm awesome all the time. And that sucks!
Who wants to constantly have to prove to other people that you have redeeming qualities? That your opinions are sound and that you're smart and funny? Who would like to stand around in a group and have to brag about yourself to make yourself feel good or liked??
More and more I find myself keeping quiet. I hate braggers. I don't want to be one. I know why I'm awesome, but I don't need to list all the reasons for these people just so they can like me.

3. I really want to go to Paris.

4. My ex-best friend got engaged and didn't tell me. I'm scared to death that it's because he hates me or his fiance hates me. I can't think of a single reason why they would. It haunts my dreams, makes me sad, distracts me at work, makes me sick, and makes me so angry.
I feel like this whole experience has caused me to distance myself from other friends that I have.
I wish I could just move on and be happy and forget about this. And I'm sure one day I will. But it hurts so much NOW.

5. I really have the best family in the world. I think I hang out with them too much.
Is there such thing as too much??
I just love them all.

Those would have been great blog topics, right?