i like things.

i had a lot of fun at work yesterday. which is so good. guess what, everyone? i like my job. a month or so ago i would have only been able to say, "i don't HATE it." but now i like it. and yesterday i really liked it. it was a slow day. like, i had to think of things to do for a couple hours because nothing was happening. it was great. i got to talk to patients, check on them more often, assess like i learned in school, and just feel like a nurse. some days i just feel like a drug dealer. and some of my co-workers are so funny and awesome! and it helps that the CNAs keep telling me that i'm one of their favorite nurses to work with. life is good in that department for now. i'm happy i like it.

my visiting teachers are incredible. they're my first set that has actually visited me, so they earn points there. but they go beyond that. they text me all the time, seek me out at church to talk to me and ask me how i am, listen to and remember everything i tell them, visit randomly just because, and bring me cupcakes. on sunday, after one of my friends had to leave church, one of my visiting teachers switched rows to sit by me so i wasn't alone. it was so nice of her. makes me feel super loved. and on tuesday, they brought me dinner. and not just any dinner, cafe rio's pork salad. yeah. they're that amazing. i just love them.

my nephews are the cutest kids around. camden is goofy and funny. kent is adorable and squirmy. and i get to have a new nephew or niece come april! yay yay yay! plus, cyann found out she's having a girl. so in february i get a new sort of niece, like lily. i'm so excited! little children are the best.

i've been having so many dreams about korea lately. it's good and bad. good, because i still feel connected to it and like it was real. bad, because part of me thinks i'll never get to go back there. or if i do, it will just be a sad disappointing trip, realizing that things are not the same. i'm seriously trying to save money to go to korea next year in the fall. i really really want to. and some days the thought of saving money for that trip is what i need to wake up in the morning and go to work. but then i remember about paying off student loans and how chester (my car) is not going to live forever and that i need to get a phone plan soon. and money seems like it doesn't grow on trees anymore. sometimes i think life was easier when i was super poor and didn't even think about spending money.

i think i'm a good friend. not to toot my own horn, or anything, but i think i've been handling some things pretty well lately. and although sometimes i'm forgetful and don't keep in touch with everyone i want to keep in touch with, just know that i think about you all ALL the time and i pray for my friends.

i get to go to cedar tomorrow. for about 24 hours. then come back to work for 4 days. then go to cedar again for a longer trip. i miss cedar SO MUCH! i always knew that i wouldn't be able to live there forever but sometimes, especially now because it's fall, i miss campus SO much. i miss walking through the leaves. i miss buying hot chocolate in the sharwan smith center with cy and annalie. i miss the weird parades and things that cedar does almost every weekend. and i miss how small and quiet it can be down there. but i get to visit soon. and i'm so excited.

provo is beautiful though. i hate to admit it, because i seriously thought it would be the last thing i would EVER think, but i like it here. i like the pretty trees, the closeness of the mountains, the nearness of my family, my ward, the new friends i'm making, having more than 3 grocery stores to choose from. it's nice.

the good news, though, is that i definitely do not run the risk of catching provo face anymore. i'm almost 25. and that's almost being a menace. provo face is more of an 18-21 year old thing. so i dodged that bullet. too bad for my sister though... caught it and never could quite shake it. :)

eh. life is good.

korea

i've been back from korea now for about 2 and a half years. wow. some days i can't believe it; it feels like just yesterday i was there. other days it feels like it was all a dream and sometimes i forget that i can speak this obscure language.
it's more rare now than it used to be, but this week someone i hadn't seen in a while said, "i don't think i ever asked you, but how was your mission?"
and i feel like i get this sparkle in my eyes when i answer, "it was the best. amazing."

what did i do in south korea for 18 months? i completely changed. i learned about a different side of the world, a different history, a different people, way of life, and culture. i learned a different language, a different set of grammar rules, a different set of manners and respect. i learned of religions, of different points of view, of tolerance, and how to love absolutely every type of person. i learned to live with people i liked, live with people i didn't like as much, and take care of money and things. i learned to not be offended, to be open minded, and to be kind. i learned about patience, how real homesickness can be, how important family is, and how not important some things in my life were. i learned to live without calling home, without the internet, without friends, without music, without movies, and entertainment. and i learned all of that while preaching the gospel of Jesus Christ.

above all, i learned who Christ was, who He was to the world, and who He is to me personally. i learned that He lives. He loves every single person who lives and has ever lived and will ever live with a perfect love. He died for us, lived for us, and gave us the way back to him. He taught by example and words and deeds how we should live our lives. i learned about repentance. it truly can turn the darkest soul into the lightest of souls. about forgiveness and charity and love. i learned about how much God loves us. about His plan for us and how he is there for us. God truly listened to all of my prayers, even the sloppy ones in korean that hardly conveyed what i felt. He hears my prayers now, as a 24 year old working here in Provo. He loves families. i truly learned that families can be together forever. Eternity. A never ending unit. i learned about my importance as a woman on this earth, about my role, and how i play a part in his plan.

and i learned all of this on those streets in korea. going door to door, person to person, teaching them about the truths that i know. i was rejected, spit upon, pushed, sworn at, yelled at, laughed at, persecuted, reviled. but i was also loved, hugged, appreciated, thanked, received tears of joy, smiles, and friendship.

i cannot even imagine my life without the experience i had as a missionary for my church. i change in SO many ways. i can't imagine a life without my mission. and sometimes i look at people who reject the opportunity to go and serve and it hurts my heart. i'm sure they can learn these things another way. but to me, it would be the hard way.

some people think our church is evil. that we are not Christians. that we don't believe in Christ. that we're a cult. there is nothing that makes me more sad. I love Jesus Christ with all that I have. I owe him all that I am. our church is only good. it teaches us to love everyone, to trust in God and Christ, to listen to the Holy Ghost, to pray, to believe in truth, to repent, to forgive, to not drink, smoke, have sex before marriage, and to marry someone for eternity and raise a family. there is nothing evil in that.

i think about korea every day. and to me, korea is all of those things that i learned.

monday

on monday, i didn't have to work after working around 51 hours the week before.

so after sleeping in, taking a nap, and lying there, i got online.

and i started looking at pictures that reminded me of how much i love fall.

for me, summer is my favorite. then winter. and spring and fall are tied.

so, i got to thinking how much i love wearing fall clothes, and being out side in the fall.

so i got ready, grabbed a book, and drove up the canyon.

I stopped at a park that I went to this summer. It was so beautiful. And there was hardly a soul there. I wanted to sit close to the river, but there were a few painters nearby with their easels set up. I didn't want to be in their paintings. (That was really cool. When I got up there, their canvases were empty. When I left, they had a magnificent fall scene.)

 Yeah, I took pictures of myself. Maybe around 20. I deleted most. And kept this one. My hair rocked that day.

Pretty.

I took a "panoramic" picture with my camera. I messed up a bit on the left, but it captures the park.

I sat there, reading the book "Heidi" for about 4 hours. It was AMAZING. I would love to do that everyday. (I would have done it today again, but it was SNOWING. crazy.) It started to rain a little bit as I was leaving. PERFECT. I love rain.

And, at one point, a LARGE weird looking thing was on my blanket. I might have freaked out a bit. Then i took a bad picture of it.

On another note, the book "Heidi" is really cute. I grew up watching the movie with my mom and sister all the time. We loved watching it. Recently, my sister and I found it on netflix and re-watched it all. CLASSIC.

The book was different, as books are. It was cute and sweet and full of great lines.

I think the things I got out of it were the cheesy religious things that she would say. Clara's grandmamma taught Heidi about prayer. And so she prayed to God because she couldn't tell anyone else her problems. After a while when she still didn't get what she wanted, she stopped praying. And grandmamma taught her that you can't stop praying. God has his own time table; He'll give us what we need when we need it. She wanted to move back home, but didn't for a while. She later realized that if she got what she wanted when she wanted it, she would have never learned to read or been good friends with Clara, both things that blessed her and others immensely in her life.

She went on to teach and remind other people in her life about prayer. How you have to pray to God and tell him everything, that he'll listen, and give you what you need when you need it. And be grateful.

What a beautiful Monday.

a day

i get to work. 10 minutes early. because i get nervous that i'll be late. and because i like to get started right on time. i know it's going to be a crazy day just because i'm working on the rehab floor. it's definition crazy.
i get report. i learn of what's been going on. i haven't worked this floor in about two weeks. so things have changed.
i start my med pass. morning meds are the hardest. everyone has at least 6 pills. then there's the iv's. and the breathing treamtments. the blood sugar checks. insulin. eye drops. and everyone remembers that they need pain pills. and i have to wait to get blood pressures for a few people.
my cna's come up to me at least 3 times. "so and so is feeling nauseated." "what's her face is refusing breakfast," "what's his bucket thinks he has a doctor's appointment today."
and oh, the phone. rings off the hook. and half of the calls are for me. "Mindy, you have a call on line one." "Rehab nurse, you have a doctor holding on line 3." "Rehab, you have a call on line one." An endless game. Sometimes they're important. like the lab. "uh..... so we came to draw that lab last night but didn't put the blood in the right tube. do you still want it done?" "Uh... YES." sometimes they're kind of annoying. "you're my mom's nurse. how is she doing?" and i'm thinking, "which one is that? i think i walked into her room and saw her for 1 minute this morning."
"Oh yeah. She's doing great."
Then therapy comes up to me. "So and so doesn't look to well. You should check him out."
Ok..... add that on my to do list.
i get the morning meds done. and figure out what wound treatments i have left to do. then i remember the to do list.
i check him out. he doesn't look too good.
ask my manager. because i still don't know what i should really be doing in some situations.
then i get to order a chest x-ray. call the place. figure out i did it wrong. call the place again. order a UA to be drawn. put "get urine sample" on my to do list.
keep going....
what's her face is being discharged today. yippee. i've never done a discharge before. ask a bunch of questions to another nurse. get the papers figured out. put "finish papers" on my to do list.
phone call. it's the lab. what's his bucket has critically low lab values. Potassium and Sodium. Oh great, what do I do with that? Go to manager's office. Ask questions. Get some answers. But not all. Go check on patient.
Call the doctor.
He's only rude about three times. Like, "You didn't answer my question." or "You are just talking about nothing." or "You don't know anything about this patient."
feel stupid. brush it off. tell the managers whats going on. they handle some things. they tell me to order labs. i write them on my to do list.
........ where was i?
patient's family complains about bed. send them to social services. patient complains about room. send him to social services. question about insurance. send her to social serives.
afternoon meds? i guess it's about that time?
X-ray comes. she makes me stop what i'm doing to help her. really?....................
patient's family comes to pick her up. oh yeah......... about that paper work. i grab papers. forget to grab all of them. go back to get them. back in the room. forget some more papers. ugh..... i sign, fill out, explain, smile. and then send them on their way.
computer charting really fast.
oh, yeah. my med pass.
manager comes and says, "Mindy, I made taco soup. You should go eat some. It's in the break room."
I want to say, "Have you seen my to do list lately? It's crazy."
Treatments. dress some wounds. check some surgical sites. looks beautiful.
lab comes. "Hey, have you got that urine sample yet?"
crap.
grab a catheter, a tube, and biohazard bag. 10 minutes later i've got it all figured out. hand it to the lab lady.
"so and so won't let me draw her blood."
okay...........................
i diffuse that problem. so and so is about to cry. and i just have to tell her it's okay.
oh yeah, and pass out pills to everyone again.
i guess i should chart too... but... wait, where are my charts? someone stole my charts!
i get everything i can done.
i'm hungry. i'm tired. i'm exhausted. i'm spinning.
the next nurse comes on to relieve me.
THANK YOU.
i give report. tell him about my day.
now i get to go home.
after i find my charts..........................